


Breaking Point

by BWinner



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Light Angst, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-03-21 05:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BWinner/pseuds/BWinner
Summary: For Colonel Roy Mustang, the war is not over. The neglected emotions and trauma of the past four years has created an internal battle to retain his true identity. However, first he must fight to keep his greatest ally. *Post Promised Day, Blind Roy, Royai...





	1. Return Home

Written by: BWinner

BWinner’s note: I’m finally getting around to writing some fan fiction for one of my all time favourite series. I’ve loved FMA for about eight years now, and I never managed to do any writing for it. In a sense I’m kind of satisfied; my tastes have changed so drastically over the years and I can meet this series head on with new inspiration. Roy has always been one of my favourite characters, and re-watching Brotherhood has me completely entranced with his relationship with Hawkeye. The level of devotion those two have for one another is incredibly beautiful, and since I’m devastated they’ll never have the “traditional” romance I want for them, I had to get creative with alternate scenarios. I’ve seen fellow authors tackle a blind Roy scenario before and it seemed like a fun challenge, so this is my interpretation of a few of the events before his sight was restored.

Disclaimer: I have no ties to this series what so ever; it belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. I do not profit from this work of fiction

Warnings: Language, “angst”, borderline OOC.

Pairing: Royai(Roy/Hawkeye)

Breaking Point

The silence of the hospital room in the evening had given Roy entirely too much time to think. The events of the past few weeks had happened far too quickly to properly reflect on; but lying in bed when the bustling of the hospital had settled down and when all other patients finally fell asleep, left no distractions from the visions that consumed him. Roy showed no remorse on the battlefield, however, that didn't mean his actions didn’t still tear at him when things were said and done. It ate at his spirit, remembering the hatred that coursed through him, the sick satisfaction he had felt delivering burning vengeance upon the vile creature that took his best friend. Roy thought that he knew his own goals and ambitions and that nothing would cloud that vision; to have to come to terms with the fact that he was weak enough to let hatred and a desire for revenge nearly steal those goals from him was difficult to come to terms with. The agony of being forced into a sacrifice for human transmutation paled in comparison to the fact that he had almost let go of the man he thought he was, that the last pieces of humanity might have been stripped with those actions. Then there was Hawkeye, and the idea that he could have hurt the Lieutenant so deeply. Roy felt terrible enough for all of the physical anguish she had gone through, but he knew that the mental anguish in the last week had been far worse; he fought with himself constantly to keep those thoughts in particular from his mind. Hawkeye’s whole mission was to keep him on the right path, to keep him honest and to protect him, even from himself. He had nearly made her take the most drastic action possible and it ate at him to the very core.

  
Roy knew that he led his Lieutenant into a great deal of danger and that his goals walked a fine line on treason, which could have easily landed her and his entire crew in front of a firing squad at any moment. While he was grateful for such loyalty and devotion sometimes guilt still bore at his conscience. It was probably an insulting idea to Riza Hawkeye’s strength but there were times when Roy wished he could relieve her of the burden of being his adjutant and the danger such a title entailed, what being by his side all the time entailed. Roy would never give up on his goals, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to curse his dangerous ambition from time to time and the ramifications of those goals putting his loved ones in danger. His one solace was that the main fight was over, and while there would still be aftershocks in the government regarding Bradley’s death, most of the immediate dangers were over for now.

  
Roy didn’t get a lot of sleep that night so the clamor of the hospital as patients awoke and more doctors and nurses arrived woke him far sooner than he would have liked. Roy gave a tired blink and tried to get his eyes to focus before being harshly reminded of the darkness that ruled his world right now. Before he could have time to start a new wave of remorse a light tapping at his door startled him and he turned his head to the sound of light footsteps coming closer to his bed.

  
“I’m sorry to intrude Sir, but I thought I would come by and inform you they’re going to be letting you out of here today,” a gentle female voice announced.

  
It was Hawkeye of course. The hospital had released her a few days prior, but she had dutifully come back to help Roy with more studies regarding Ishval and its cultures. He was incredibly grateful for that, just one more subtle way of keeping him on track. The idea of The Ishval Policy couldn’t be lost in the waves of self-pity that continued to crash against his spirit. He suspected she knew that, and so everyday she came.

  
“I see, thank you Lieutenant.” It was all he could really think of to say at that point.

  
“I have a car waiting for us, and I’ve taken the liberty to sort out your discharge papers and gather your personal effects. A nurse should be in shortly to help you change.”

  
It took a few minutes for the nurse to arrive with his clothes, Roy still felt damn awkward having others help him with these everyday tasks. Hawkeye soon entered the room once more after the nurse left and led Roy out to the waiting car. One thing he noticed right away was how warm and refreshing things seemed outside; weeks in a hospital bed had made him feel like he was in a small prison. It left him with a sense of disappointment to be stuck in a vehicle with the way the breeze had flowed across his face and fresh air filled his lungs.

  
“May I roll down the window Lieutenant?” he asked once seated in the vehicle.

  
“Of course Sir, as long as you’ll be comfortable.” Her voice was more eased and relaxed, nothing like a few moments ago in the hospital room. It was a subtle difference, one Roy had come to notice; Hawkeye was like that, very rarely did she let her guard down even in such a supposedly friendly environment.

  
It took some fumbling but Roy finally located the window crank and rolled his side window down. The sharp breeze was cool and refreshing. “So Lieutenant, which one of the guys got stuck taking care of the incapacitated leader?”  
“None of them.”

  
Her response was so quick and frank Roy couldn’t tell if the shock on his face was evident or not, but he did note that his cheeks felt a little hot. If it wasn’t any of his other men then that meant it was Hawkeye. “I see, and you’re comfortable doing this?”

  
“Yes, Colonel. It’s a very vital time right now; without a person with you to aid you in some everyday tasks you’re only slightly more useless than when you’re wet. I’m aware that we no longer have the threat of Furher Bradley, and that Edward defeated Father, but that doesn’t mean there might not be any kind of attempt on your life. As your guard I don’t want to take that risk.” There was a distinct tone in her voice that told Roy not to argue, but even still…

  
“That was a bit of a low blow.” He felt slightly childish mumbling it, but he had to get a bit of a word in edgewise.

  
Hawkeye didn’t retort and the remainder of the drive to his apartment was silent. Soon the car came to a stop and Roy was helped from the vehicle; hooking his arm into Hawkeye’s he let the woman lead him up the stairs to the door. Roy almost couldn’t remember the last time he had been in his apartment; there was definitely the distinct odor of dust in the air, and a slight chill had taken hold. She dropped his bags by the door for now and helped him out of his jacket.

  
“I’m not sure if you ate at the hospital before I came, but I can put together a sandwich if you’re hungry.” It was a modest offer, so very much like her.

  
“Real food sounds wonderful right about now,” he agreed and felt his way from the hall to the living room. Luckily, he only managed to bang his shin on an end table before finally reaching the sofa.

  
The rest of the afternoon went by with little incident. Roy had miraculously managed to feed himself without making too much of a mess and when the kitchen was cleaned up Hawkeye had pulled out the Ishvalan history texts and tested more of his knowledge. She could be a taskmaster at times, but he knew this was for the greater good. The more he learned of the people the easier it would be to help rebuild their society and work with them in a peaceful manner.

  
Roy didn’t know how long they had been going over the information when he suddenly heard the book close. “It’s getting a little late, we should consider retiring and getting back to this in the morning when we’re both refreshed.”

  
“I suppose you’re right, it feels like it’s been a long day.” Carefully he eased himself off the couch and felt around for the coffee table. Suddenly there was an arm wrapped around his waist and in a gentle motion he was guided around the table. “My room is the one at the end of the hall on the left… I never thought I would be telling you that,” and he let her lead him through the rest of his home.

  
It felt odd to be in such familiar territory and yet have it not be familiar at all. Roy tried to picture in his mind’s eye where everything was laid out, but he spent such little time in this place he couldn’t bring it to memory right now. Soon enough he was turned around and the back of his knees hit his bed forcing him to sit.

 

“If you tell me where your nightclothes are, I’ll get them from you,” she instructed.

  
Roy felt his face flush in spite of himself. Of course she was going to help him change… but surely there was nothing wrong with that? The two of them were professional, a commander and a subordinate. “I keep them in the second to bottom drawer of the large dresser.” He hoped she hadn’t heard his voice slip lightly.

  
“Very good, Sir.”

  
There was some shuffling and soon Roy felt her hands at the buttons of his shirt. Her fingers moved deftly, undoing the buttons in fast measure then slipping the shirt from his shoulders and quickly replacing it with his nightshirt. His pants were changed in an equally quick fashion, although Roy could have sworn he felt her hands tremble through those motions.

  
“I trust you’ll be okay from here. Should you need anything else I’ll be sleeping on your couch, just shout and I’ll come. Good night.” Then before he could say anything else he heard her leave the room.

  
Roy released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and pulled his legs up to lie on the bed. This shouldn’t have felt as awkward as it did now. Hawkeye was his friend and fellow soldier; not that he saw her as ‘one of the guys’ but he liked to believe he had a very professional relationship with her. Perhaps if Roy kept telling himself that he would eventually believe it. Deep down he knew he treated her differently than his other subordinates, that she was far more precious to him than that of a mere comrade. Who was he kidding giving her the codename: Queen as he took the role of the King. At least when they had an enemy to fight he could distract himself, but now there were no enemies left and Roy didn’t know if he could make it presumably the next week or so in her care before Havoc arrived and Doctor Marcoh would come to use the Philosopher’s Stone to heal them.

  
“Damn it,” he cursed under his breath. Roy didn’t know how long he laid there before finally falling into a fitful sleep.

  
The next few days went by with very little excitement. There were some broken dishes and cursing as he fumbled his way around the apartment, but nothing that wasn’t to be expected. It was the nights that were the real torment; it was when he was allowed to think. Just what were the two of them playing at here? She cooked and ran errands and did what she could around his house, any one of the other guys could have done this; why had she made it her prerogative? Could he dare to think she might hold for him the same affections he tried so hard to repress? He had noticed that while Hawkeye was strict when reciting notes on Ishval and training his mind, she was surprisingly gentle in all other aspects regarding him. Her tone would soften significantly if discussing any kind of day-to-day matter and her guard seemed to drop more and more in such a relaxed environment.

  
No! Stupid! It wouldn’t even matter if that were true; the anti-fraternization laws barred anything from happening. Roy continued to play that thought in his head over and over until he fell into his usual restless sleep. He had only been asleep for what felt like a minute before he felt himself being shaken awake. Instinctively he opened his eyes before quickly shutting them again in frustration.

  
“Hawkeye, what in the- what is the meaning of this?” he asked, his tone a mix of sleepiness and frustration.

  
“You were crying out in your sleep, Sir. You shouted my name so I ran in only to find you tossing and drenched in sweat.” Her tone to the untrained ear was flat, maybe even deadpan with this explanation, but Roy could detect the worry and confusion around her.

  
He felt himself blush in spite of himself and turned his face away from her gaze. At this point he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t even know he had been dreaming. All Roy did know was that this couldn’t continue; the awful tension he felt around Hawkeye had to be addressed, for better or for worse. It terrified him, because he knew that he was risking not only demotion(maybe even discharge), but also her. For all Roy knew he really was reading too much into things and he could lose his lieutenant forever, but he wouldn’t know until he stepped out into that abyss.

  
“Wa-wait a minute before you go back out there.” He turned his head back to face her once more. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  
TBC…


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mustang and Hawkeye have a very heavy discussion.

BWinner’s note: This chapter admittedly went in an ENTIRELY different direction than I had initially imagined. I had some time to reflect on previous fan fics of mine and decided I tended to jump the gun on many of them and speed up the story to get to the “juicy” bits. Roy and Riza deserve better, much better in my opinion and so I’ve fleshed things out more than I had planned. Hopefully you all think it’ll be for the better

Breaking Point– Ch.2

Roy felt the bed sink beside him as Hawkeye took a seat. Carefully he propped himself against the headboard and turned toward what he assumed was her general direction. For a minute all he did was listen, listen to the sound of her breathing as he composed himself. Roy knew he was stalling, but all he could do was try to extend this moment because he knew that whatever came from this conversation things would be forever changed between the two of them. The thought terrified him.

“Hawkeye, I – “he stopped himself. Just how was he going to address this? It wasn’t as if he could unload all of the confusing thoughts in his head to her, and it occurred to him he had not thought this through. Roy considered himself lucky he could not see her face right now, for he was sure she was giving him the most intense expectant stare. Losing his nerve, he decided to go on the offensive, and distance himself from the woman in the room.

"I need you to answer me truthfully, why are you here?”

“I thought I made myself perfectly clear before, I’m your body guard. With you compromised we can’t take the risk that someone might come for your life.” Her tone was very clearly offended. Of course, it was.

“You realize that could have been accomplished by having me remain in the hospital with a guard outside my door…” he shouldn’t have been sounding this stern. “You also realize the questions and suspicions that will arise with people knowing it is just the two of us here. We may both be military but it could still be considered highly inappropriate for a lower ranking female officer to be looking after her commander without supervision.”

“With all due respect, Sir, why are you bringing this up now? Why let me bring you here in the first place when you could have voiced such concerns days ago?” That tone had gone from offended to impatient now.

Damn it. There was no one to blame for his incompetence in this instance. Roy had worked himself into a corner far sooner than he would have liked. 

“Because I didn’t think it would be this hard!” he shouted before he could stop himself. Taking a moment, he tried to compose himself. “I can't be around you with all of the confusing thoughts and emotions going on in my head right now. Things have changed for me Hawkeye, in many different ways. The last few months have been especially hard on me. You just - you can't be the one to be here, and I really can't explain why."

Anything and everything he had intended to say to her withered away in his cowardice. He had fully intended to level with her on his feelings but found that impossible to do without compromising his role as a leader and driving his lieutenant away. There was also no way of addressing his feelings in this moment without pegging the woman into a corner due to the heightened emotions in the air, and the last thing he wanted was a dishonest answer because she felt pressured. 

The silence remained uncomfortable for a long moment before Hawkeye finally responded. “I have no idea what happened to bring this on Sir, however, if that’s an order then I will get a hold of a replacement for myself.” Her tone was flat.

“It is,” Roy affirmed quickly.

“Then if there is nothing else you need, I have some phone calls to make.” With that statement he heard the door close and he was left in silence once more.

If he couldn’t sleep now it was his own damned fault. That was about as disastrous as it could have been, he was now a king left without a queen. ‘Why now?’ was all he really felt like asking himself. For years the two had worked together and he hadn’t given any significant thought to pursuing his Lieutenant. He knew that the war had been a perfect distraction, but perhaps what also helped was being so close to the top brass. Back then it would have been near impossible to sneak around without the rumor mill running in full force. This time of peace, even despite the chaos of restructuring the military, had left him with a false sense of security. Thanks to his weakness Roy wasn’t even sure he had her friendship anymore, much less a relationship with her.

The night passed agonizingly slowly as he mulled over these details in his head. So, when he heard a banging on his front door he was entirely unprepared for it. Rubbing his heavy sleep deprived eyes, he sat himself up once more; slowly and carefully he swung his legs over the bed and felt his way to the bedroom door. Graciously over the first couple of days in an attempt to make using the washroom easier, Hawkeye had removed anything that could have been an immediate obstruction for him. It didn’t take long for him to realize that Hawkeye was already awake as he heard her pause whatever task she had been doing in the kitchen and answered the door. Roy listened intently, not wanting to make his presence known yet.

“Thank you for coming Breda, I’m sorry again for calling so late at night,” her voice was soft, but still professional if anything.

Breda? Well he supposed that made sense. Hawkeye wanted him protected and he knew Falman and Fuery didn’t exactly fall into the category of a fighter. Roy also knew the young man was smarter than most realized, having graduated at the top of his class in the academy, so Hawkeye had also ensured he wouldn’t be able to slack on his studies.

“It’s alright Hawkeye, you can't help having a personal emergency.” He sounded almost exasperated, but who could blame him with how late Hawkeye must have called last night.

“Well, I’m sure you know what’s more or less expected here. For the most part he can feed himself, though he does need someone to prepare meals. He’s getting better at dressing himself, but again you’ll need to pick out clothing for him. Of course, I also devote at least an hour to his studies of the Ishval culture, you absolutely cannot slack on that,” she stressed.

“Understood, understood. Should I wake the boss now?” His tone was almost flippant and Roy was sure it annoyed Hawkeye to no end.

“There’s no need, your banging on the door did fine work of that,” he called from the hall.

He continued to feel his way along until he felt a hand significantly larger than Hawkeye’s grab his elbow and guide him to the table. It was an odd sensation given how delicate her touch had been over the last few days, but he supposed more than anything he was grateful for the help. Carefully Roy sat, but stayed quiet now, unsure of how to address the Lieutenant. 

“Good morning, Sir,” she was trying so hard not to sound unsure of herself. “I’ve made a simple breakfast, and there’s coffee prepared. I’ve also briefed 2nd Lieutenant Breda on what we’ve been working towards here so I’m sure you’ll be in capable hands. If there’s nothing else I’ll be on my way with your permission.”

“No, there’s nothing else.” He came across colder than he intended, but he knew in the presence of another military member he couldn’t show any emotional attachment in his voice.

He heard her lift her arm and could only assume he was being saluted. Without another word he heard the door open and close once more; his heart felt like shattering with the sound.

TBC…

A/N: MASSIVE CHAPTER EDIT. I'm part of a writing forum on this site and I submitted the original confession from Mustang in this chapter for review and advice... the consensus was that he was being a bit of a selfish prick to Hawkeye, and re-reading this chapter over and over, I agree. If some of my old readers choose no to follow from this point I completely understand, but this fic has morphed way beyond what I thought it was going to be, and admittedly their interaction now better suits the story I am trying to flesh out later.


	3. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hawkeye takes time to reflect on her situation...

BWinner’s note: All right, so this chapter is going to be slightly different. I’ve been fairly steady in a Third Person Limited narrative in Roy’s favour, but I’m switching it up to Third Person Multiple, because I think Hawkeye deserves a say in this story too. I thank you all too for the encouragement thus far with the reviews, favs, and follows; it’s nice to see that a few people have enjoyed my writing!

 

Crossing the Line – Ch.3

 

Riza heaved a heavy sigh as she closed the door to her superior’s home behind her. She was confused, and almost hurt that the Colonel would thrust her away like that. What in the world could have changed him to the point that he was uncomfortable being around her? Certainly, she didn’t think she had done anything to offend him, and he hadn’t previously given any indication of such before his emotional uproar last night, so what could he be thinking?

 

These were questions she turned over in her mind as she made her way to a small coffee shop several blocks away. She was meeting up with Rebecca, who had received a phone call early that morning, in order to pick up her dog. She was relieved to see her dark-haired friend had already made it and there wouldn’t be a long time spent waiting.

 

“Riza!” her name was called in a chipper voice.

 

Rebecca waved enthusiastically and she responded in kind with her own demure gesture. It would be nice to have a bite to eat, put some of her tensions at ease and regain the strength she would need to sift through the haze created from last night.

 

“Rebecca, thank you so much for being able to make it this morning. I’m sorry I called so early,” she apologized. “Hey Black Hayate,” and she crouched down to give an affectionate pet to her furry companion. The little animal gave a couple of quick barks and licked her hand in turn.

 

“You know it’s no problem at all Riza,” she smiled. “Although I admit I’m shocked to hear from you so soon. Did something go wrong?”

 

Riza sighed, it was stupid to think she wouldn’t get the third degree from her friend. “Not wrong per say. The Colonel apparently just finds me too much of a taskmaster. I would have argued, but he is still my superior after all. So, Breda is handling it for me now, although I did insist he dedicate at least an hour or so to the Colonel’s studies.” She hated to lie, but she knew Rebecca and didn’t want to give the woman any ammunition for wild allegations.

 

“What is it with men and work? You’d think they were all allergic to it or something,” Rebecca mused with a boisterous laugh. “Although I have to admit I can’t say I blame the Colonel necessarily, he’s been through so much; you both have. You know you probably need the break just as much as he does, Riza.”

 

“I think you might just be on to something there, Rebecca.” This time it was the truth.

 

Riza found she became more at ease, and gradually relaxed enough to have a comfortable brunch with her friend. Rebecca had always been so good at getting her out of her shell; there was such a passion for life in the woman and it rubbed off on most people around her. The end of the meal tucked her stressful conversation with Roy neatly in the back of her mind, not forgotten, but definitely not weighing as heavily on her.

 

When the bill finally arrived Riza insisted on covering it to make up for all the trouble she had put her friend through. Then with a smile and a brief hug the two parted ways. Gently she tugged on Black Hayate’s leash and led the small dog back to her car; there was no way to avoid home forever. The drive didn’t seem as daunting now with her pet back at her side, the little animal had helped to cheer her spirits quite a bit all those nights she had made it home from Fuehrer Bradley’s estate. He was a very good companion and she was glad to have him with her.

 

The first thing she did when she got in the door was to begin drawing a bath. Having forced herself into this kind of corner she figured it wouldn’t hurt to take some of Rebecca’s advice and unwind a little bit. After all, if she were suddenly called back to the Colonel’s side she would be useless if she were a bundle of nerves. Riza paused as she took off her shirt to examine the wound on the juncture of her neck and shoulder, it wasn’t fully healed but the puss and swelling looked like they had gone down substantially. Satisfied with her inspection she eased into the tub of steaming water with a sigh. The warmth soothed her aching muscles and slowly she began to relax.

 

In the silence her mind wandered and she found herself reflecting on last night. ‘…I can't be around you with all of the confusing thoughts and emotions going on in my head right now...’ Those words echoed through her and she hung her head.

 

Riza paused on that particular statement. He had said that he couldn’t be around her specifically due to an emotional turmoil, and there were only two emotions she could fathom that would bring him to that kind of state of mind, shame of showing a weak moment, or love. The second thought was crazy though, he was her commander, and he relied on her to assist him in the hard work his job entailed. Perhaps he just felt a stronger closeness to her due to the traumatic events of the past few weeks, but that shouldn’t be enough to have wanted her to leave. At the same time though, the first option didn’t make much sense either. Roy had shown his weaker side to her before, on a couple of occasions, and he should have definitely known she didn’t look down on him for it.

 

What frustrated Riza the most right now, was that she couldn’t get over the fact that it might be love. Roy Mustang had been a bit of an enigma to her when he had arrived at her father’s doorstep to study alchemy. While he had been young and somewhat impulsive he still treated her with a level of kindness and respect that few people had before. When her father passed away after the long struggle with his illness, Roy Mustang was the one who came to her aid to help with the funeral preparations; and when Roy spoke of his vision as they stood over her father’s grave she could see the ideals of a man who cared about his nation and the people in it. As she stood there and listened to him she decided he could be a person she could trust, and one who would use her father’s secrets for the betterment of the country. When she came face to face with the horrific truth of what her father’s research could be used to accomplish she justified following him because at that point she was no longer able to judge his actions without falling into hypocrisy. At that point she had been guilty of just as much murder. 

 

Then there had been that fateful moment when his flame had kissed her back; he wiped away the burden bestowed to her by her father, broke her chains and set her free.

 

Riza understood what kind of man Roy Mustang was on that day; a man who despite having a goal was not willing to compromise the feelings and needs of another just to fulfill it. He respected her fears and showed her true compassion, so when he revealed his plan for the country she believed him and was willing to continue following his lead. When he told her to remain by his side and act as an adjutant she knew that he was serious about not misusing her father’s research and that he would find a way to help his country while causing the least amount of destruction from that point on. Riza also understood it was that day her affections likely began to develop for him, affections that as she watched him continue his work through the years would slowly evolve into love.

 

Things had been so much easier when the two of them were constantly encased in a military struggle. Because their interaction was always on the strict and professional side it was easy for Hawkeye to bury her feelings. She could tell herself that he couldn’t possibly hold any affections for her, and even if on the off chance he did, because of his ambitions it was easy to say neither of them would dream of acting on those feelings. So, this latest emotional outburst from him was infuriating because it brought back to the forefront her own suppressed emotions and was allowing her the opportunity to entertain the thought that he might feel the same. Even though the two of them would never be able to act on those feelings.

 

Riza knew she would never obtain those answers without confronting the Colonel directly, but she couldn’t do that. Under no circumstances would she ever allow herself to be a distraction to him and so it meant keeping her distance and allowing the notion to fade. Riza heaved yet another sigh, this one bordering on longing; pushing this whole thing out of her mind had proven harder than she thought. Woefully she got herself out of the tub and reached for a towel; once sufficiently dry she snagged her robe off the back of the door and threw it on before wandering to the kitchen. If a bath failed then a warm cup of tea would hopefully do the trick. As she waited for the kettle to boil she heard an almost excited yip come from Black Hayate; with a knowing smile she grabbed a treat from one of her cupboards.

 

“Black Hayate, sit,” she commanded before she crouched down. “Shake a paw… other paw, good boy,” and the dog snatched the morsel from her hand

 

Her kettle soon came to a screeching boil and she finished making her tea. Beckoning her pet to follow Riza made her way into the living room; on her way past the coffee table she plucked her own Ishvalan text from it and settled into a large chair by the window. She intended to be just as well versed when it came to Ishval and its people, so dutifully she sat with text in one hand and tea in the other.

 

Riza woke with a start, it seemed as if she had been more tired than she thought. Blearily looking out the window she saw the skies were getting dark, and not missing a beat she rose from her chair to head back to her room. Quickly she threw on a pair of black pants and a black short-sleeved turtleneck, after putting her hair back in a clip she began going around the room gathering her equipment. It was time to go to work. While it was true she had left the Colonel’s immediate care, she had been entirely serious when she told him the “Hawk’s Eyes” would be on him. 

 

With resolve firmly in place Hawkeye left her apartment and headed towards her superior’s residence. By the time she arrived it was fully dark and she parked her car just down the street from Roy’s apartment. She was about to get out of the vehicle when something caught her eye; Edward Elric was on his doorstep. 

 

It shouldn’t have come as that much of a surprise she supposed, Alphonse was still in recovery in the hospital in Central and perhaps Ed didn’t think so low of the Colonel that he wouldn’t decide to check in on him. She watched him carefully as he entered the building; once she was certain he was out of sight she got out and positioned herself across the street in a darkened alleyway. She had only been there for perhaps an hour when the door opened once more and Breda came out. Just what was going on here, he didn’t know she would be so close at hand, so why was he leaving his post without the relief of another officer? Riza was intrigued now, and she was determined to find out what was going on. Quickly and quietly she ran across the street and stooped outside an open window light was pouring from.

 

The conversation she caught was light at first, how was Alphonse, when did he think the young man would get to go home, simple inquiries into each other’s health. Of course, it didn't take long for that to deteriorate into somewhat of an interrogation on Edward’s side; it was in regards to the Colonel’s passing through the portal of truth, and what that had entailed with it. Was he comfortable with the knowledge that had come with the experience, was he going to use any of it to his advantage? She smiled softly and shook her head; Edward never was one to hold back on an opinion of something. It was the response he got that surprised her.

 

“You told me not that long ago that I shouldn’t make the Lieutenant worry. I think it’s better if she deals with the beast she knows rather than the one she doesn’t; after all I don’t know what I’m fully capable of using that kind of power, and truthfully, I don’t want to. The knowledge I’ve obtained through my research all those years ago has been enough.” His voice was calm, but still held a strong resolve.

 

“Ah! That’s right the Lieutenant, is she okay? The nurses at the hospital said she was the one who had taken you home when I asked about you,” Ed’s energetic voice exclaimed.

 

“She’s fine Edward, Hawkeye is strong after all. Though…” she heard him pause, his voice growing distant. “I don’t think I’m as good as keeping her from worrying as I would like to be.”

 

“You idiot!” the young man admonished. “What did you do now?”

 

“I’ve probably made her think I’m crazy for one,” he began with a self-deprecating chuckle. “I let my emotions get the better of me and I drove her away from here, ordered her to leave my side.” 

 

“Why in the world would you do something that stupid?” his voice was incredulous.

 

“Well, since we’re alone right now perhaps I can confide in you Edward… I love her,” he finally stated, but so softly she could barely hear him. “I’m not sure if you know this, but if the two of us are caught in any kind of romantic relations together it could mean discharge from the military for me, and the same if not worse for Hawkeye. I was on the verge of being an idiot and telling her how I felt, of almost destroying the relationship we actually do have on my own selfish desires.”

 

“So, the military doesn’t allow its members to be in a relationship? Well that’s stupid.”

 

“The military has its reasons Edward, I don’t expect you to understand them, but they exist for a purpose.”

 

The room went quiet again, and Riza sat frozen trying to comprehend what she had heard just now. What’s more she was surprised to hear the Colonel confide in the young man; although Roy had a secret parental affection for Edward, she never would have pictured him close enough to the young man to share such information. Also, even if Edward was no longer in the military it was still a risky thing to admit to another person; he really was taking more risks than she would have liked. The sound of a chair shifting startled her from her musings and she snapped her head up to look at the window once more.

 

“It’s getting a little late, I should be getting back to Al at the hospital. Thank you for answering my question though, and I’m glad to hear you and the Lieutenant are well.” She heard his voice strain with the stretching of his limbs.

 

Quickly she ducked around the corner and out of sight. 

 

TBC…


	4. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Roy is made painfully aware of his weaknesses and fears...

BWinner’s note: I won’t lie; I’m surprised I’ve made it this far. Multi-chapter fics and I don’t get along; I normally get writer’s block and give up. So far, I’ve had only minor struggles tying in certain ideas I want, but for the most part I really haven’t had an issue keeping the story I want to tell going. Hopefully it’s still continuing to entertain some readers out there!

 

Crossing the Line - Ch. 4

From the moment Hawkeye left his place Roy had thrust himself into his studies. Breda followed through on his orders dutifully, though he did force the two of them to pause in order to make lunch. In this kind of instance Roy couldn’t help but be grateful to be blind; he was unaware of the passage of time unless someone informed him of such, or he grew exhausted. By having such ability, he could work as long as he pleased without the work feeling like a chore. Though something as important as this would never have been considered a chore to him in the first place. The incident with Hawkeye was a moment of weakness, and he would not allow himself to dwell on it and drag him back from his goal.

“Alright, I’m making us take a break again, it’s dinner time,” Breda announced.

“Are you sure we can’t pull through one more chapter on Ishvalan religion?” Roy did his best to sound stern.

“Sorry boss, you may outrank me, but I told the Lieutenant I would take care of you. She’s one woman I would rather not disappoint,” the 2nd Lieutenant argued.

Roy heaved a heavy sigh; if there was one person his men would listen to over him it was Lieutenant Hawkeye. He put up no further protest and allowed Breda to get to work preparing their meal. Roy was going to suggest going over some more notes during dinner but decided against it, Breda probably needed a break. Dinner was eaten in relative silence, and the finger food that had been made for him allowed him to eat on his own with out making a giant mess. He was grateful to have his subordinates respect him enough to allow him to try and retain some independence in his incapacitated state. 

Once dinner was over Roy insisted the two of them finish the section of Ishvalan religion they had been focusing on. They had almost completed the text when there was a knock at the door. The Colonel frowned, wondering who could be calling, as he had not been expecting any visitors.

“Oh, hey Edward!” he heard Breda exclaim when the door opened.

“Fullmetal?” Roy let the military name slip out before he could stop himself.

“Hey Colonel, 2nd Lieutenant Breda; I’m sorry to drop in unannounced. Is this a bad time?” the young man asked.

“No, no it’s fine, Edward come in,” he beckoned.

The three of them carried on a pleasant conversation for a while before Roy could sense that Edward probably came to speak to him in private. In a suggestion that bordered on a command he told Breda to go and get a drink at the bar down the road, he would be fine for about an hour or so. Breda didn’t put up much of an argument and Roy and Ed were freed to discuss more personal matters. It didn’t come as a particular surprise to him that the young man would question his motivations and thoughts on his newly acquired abilities. He understood Ed knew first hand the power one could obtain through seeing the gate and guessed that if he had been anyone but military and had any other goals than the ones he did the former alchemist might not have cared so much.

Roy remembered feeling very strange when he used the alchemic power given to him through the portal of truth. It was an eerie rush that unnerved him. However, there was something that came to him more prominently now that Edward was here, and that had been the conversation he and Edward had when the blond teen borrowed that 520 cens those many nights ago. Of Edward telling him not to worry the Lieutenant, it was almost as if the young man saw through him. Roy didn’t fully know why he chose to unload his secret onto him; perhaps it was because he knew Ed wouldn’t think twice about it. More likely than that it was because he wanted vindication for his feelings, to hear from someone that it was the military with the problem and not him. He was certainly confident enough that Edward would keep it to himself at any rate; after all he had kept Ed’s secret for years.

When Edward left he finally turned his head towards the window where he felt the cool night breeze coming through. Part of the reason he had been so confident telling Breda to leave was because he knew Hawkeye, and he knew she would be close by performing her duty, regardless of their previous exchange. Their personal issue would not distract her from her professionalism, and what she considered to be her duty. Knowing this, however, made what he had told Ed all the riskier, because in reality she might have been close enough as to hear it. Truthfully Roy was torn between whether he wanted to have heard that confession or not. It was something he was unable to decide on.

The young colonel sighed and sank deeper into his chair; Breda would be back any minute and truthfully Roy would be happy to be helped to bed at this point. He had pushed himself harder than he realized with his studies, and the emotional exchange with Edward only served to drain what little energy he had left. His wait was mercifully short, and no sooner did the 2nd Lieutenant step in the door did he request to be brought to his room. Breda followed through quickly and rather quietly; he helped the Colonel change and then bid him a brief goodnight before retiring to the living room once more.

Roy found that he was unable to fall asleep right away, despite his very tired state. He lay there contemplating his situation and wondering what it was he could do to set things right with the woman he called his Queen. If he was going to be successful in his military efforts his whole team needed to be intact with no animosity or unresolved feelings lurking beneath the surface. Roy himself may have slacked off once in a while, but his unit was to perform as a well-oiled machine.

No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t come up with any idea outside just calling the woman. So little time had gone by though, his head was still buzzing from the near confrontation and he couldn't bear the thought of facing her again so soon. He was supposed to be a soldier, able to remain fearless in the face of any situation, and yet despite that he couldn’t bring himself to take the actions to make things right again. He felt like a coward. His mind hung on that thought and he curled deeper under his blankets, eventually falling into an uneasy sleep.

Roy shot up gasping, his arms wrapped around himself and his eyes were wide and anxious; the wounds on his hands that he had all but forgotten about seared with pain as his hands fisted into his nightshirt. He was confused and disconcerted, as his eyes shot around yet remained unable to see, unable to get a hold of his surroundings he felt an over whelming fear and dread. His panic rose as he heard the sound of his door being thrown open and a gun being cocked; for a moment there was only the sound of clothing moving as whoever was there likely twisted their torso to look for someone in the room. What came next were heavy footsteps and the feeling of the side of his bed sinking. Roy took a swing in his panic, but his fist was quickly caught.

“Colonel, Colonel easy,” a steady male voice instructed.

His mind wouldn't recognize the voice at first, then as his body slowly lowered from the spike of adrenaline his addled mind pieced together that it was Breda. Gradually he was able to even out his breathing and his remaining hand let go of the tight grasp on his clothing. As his emotions finally settled Roy fell back down onto his pillows.

“I’m sorry Breda. Everything is fine now, you can go back to bed,” he instructed. The statement was hardly true, but Roy was embarrassed enough in his state of incapacity, he couldn’t add what he was presumed as a nightmare to his current afflictions.  
Breda didn’t say anything at first, and Roy listened to his breathing carefully, trying to measure his coming response. Finally, the man released what could only be considered an exasperated sigh. “If that’s an order then Colonel.”

“It is, you can return to your post,” he insisted sternly.

Once he was sure Breda had left the room he cocooned himself in his blankets a little more and resisted a shiver. What had that feeling of overwhelming terror been? He remembered feeling something similar, but not as drastic when Hawkeye had woken him up last night as well. There was nothing he should possibly be afraid of though. Ishval was years behind him, and Roy certainly didn’t feel that the recent events would deliver such a horrific blow to him. Roy had the beginnings of his victory thanks to the events over the past few weeks. The evil that had plagued the country for possibly hundreds of years was gone; he could start rebuilding the nation he cared for so deeply.

What Roy did know for certain was that this was going to be something else to cause him to lose sleep, and with his mind already addled with things concerning Hawkeye he couldn’t afford to be any more sleep deprived.

It was impossible for him to tell if he had fallen back asleep or not, certainly if he had he didn’t feel rested. The sound of a pan crashing to the ground in the kitchen startled him and he sat bolt upright in bed, Breda’s cursing soon followed so Roy could only assume it was morning. Releasing a relieved sigh, he eased his weary body out of bed and made his way to the door, one arm stretched carefully ahead of him.

“Breda!” he called when he made it to the end of the hallway. “I need you to do me a favour, I need you to get Doctor Knox on the phone!”

“Huh? Well sure Colonel, you feeling okay?” the rather obvious question was bounced back to him.

“I’m fine, just a string of uneasy nights. I can’t have sleep deprivation if I’m going to keep forging ahead. Doctor Knox should be able to help, and he should still be at his home here in Central.”

Breda didn’t reply, but in a few moments, Roy heard the receiver being lifted off the phone in the kitchen. The call was short, with Breda getting his hackles up somewhat and insisting it was an order from Colonel Mustang. When that didn’t work Roy told the 2nd Lieutenant it was okay to tell the man to simply shut up and get his ass over there. That seemed to do the trick and Breda was able to inform him that the doctor would be around in about two or three hours. Being mostly satisfied with that answer Roy cautiously made his way to the dining room table, being ever so careful to avoid the easy chair that stuck out just a little from the living room and blocked part of the hall along the way. Knowing he’d receive some kind of help made his coffee that much more enjoyable.

More hours were spent pouring over Ishvalan texts, finishing off the one on religion that the visit from Edward had interrupted. Roy was just about to suggest going over traditional Ishvalan architecture when a knock sounded at the door. He raised his head to the sound and nodded towards Breda to answer it.

“All right Mustang, what in the hell was so important that you had to drag me all the way out here?” an unimpressed and gruff male voice demanded.

Roy was just about to give a snarky comeback when Breda interjected. “Look, in the interest of doctor-patient confidentiality I’m going to make a run to the store to get some more groceries. I trust you’ll be okay for about an hour.” Admittedly Roy was relieved by this announcement and he waved his permission for Breda to leave.

“My question still stands Mustang,” Doctor Knox pressed.

“It’s… it’s been my sleeping doc,” he finally began quietly. “The last couple of nights have been strange. The night before last I was woken up and told I had been screaming in my sleep, and just last night I woke myself up screaming, and with little to no control over my body. I tried to attack Breda when he came to check on me,” came the bitter confession.

The older man gave a pensive ‘hm’, and Roy could hear him pull out a chair at the table to sit down. “Before these incidents, do you have any recollection of what you were dreaming about before waking up?” he asked after a long moment.  
“No. I’m somewhat restless before I fall asleep, but I have no idea what wakes me up like that.”

Roy heard his former war comrade give a frustrated and shaky sigh. “Well that’s a fine thing to learn,” came his brusque response. “I thought it would only have to be my relationship destroyed by those damned fits.”

“I beg your pardon?” Roy was very confused by the statement.

“They’re called night terrors, Colonel. It’s a kind of parasomnia, which is an undesired occurrence during sleep. A number of things can bring them on but knowing you this is due to stress,” the older man explained. “I’m assuming you’ve treated the past series of events like you treated the situation after the war in Ishval and just buried yourself in some other task. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t had a nervous breakdown by now!”

Roy snorted in distain and rolled his unseeing eyes. He had other matters that took precedence in his thoughts right now. While the events with the homunculi and Father had could have been considered traumatizing he didn't have time to deal with them now that he had carelessly gotten himself into this recent situation. He couldn't be bothered to sort himself out emotionally when the only thing on his mind was repairing the damage he had done to his relationship with Hawkeye. Without her he wasn't entirely sure, despite his best efforts otherwise, that he could move forward without her.

“Don’t give me your crap attitude when you were the one who called me for my help!” admonished the doctor. “Listen to me, if you ever want to help yourself out of this mess, you’ll take my advice. The best way out of this situation is therapy, but since I can pretty well guarantee you're as stubborn as I am you won’t take that route. So, my only recommendation is this, you need to relax. Tell the team to put the studying off until your eyes are restored. Have them come over and read you something relaxing or get that pretty blonde assistant of yours to take you for a walk… I don’t give a damn, but don’t continue with anything that would put any pressure on yourself mentally.”

“I’m not sure my Lieutenant would appreciate being referred to in such a manner,” Roy replied flatly.

“You think I care?” the man’s tone was flippant and Roy heard the scrape of the chair as he stood up once more. “Take the damn advice Mustang, or the lack of sleep will turn you into the same miserable old man I am.”

With those parting words Doctor Knox left, and Roy was left in silence once more.

TBC…


	5. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urgent news calls Riza back to the Colonel's side.

BWinner’s Note: I’m back looking through the Hawk’s eyes again(yes that was lame, I know)… I didn’t really mean for the story to bounce back and forth between Mustang and Hawkeye like it has been, but it’s made the most sense to me thus far. I kind of like being able to tell things from both of their perspectives, especially with the emotional tension between them right now. Also I apologize for the tardiness of this chapter; family obligations have kept me from my writing more than I would have liked. I hope to be more punctual with future chapters.

Crossing the Line - Ch. 5

Riza fought to break herself from her frozen shocked state; Breda would likely be coming back down the street any moment, so silently she stole back to her alleyway across the street. Riza maintained her position for another four hours or so, enough to ease her mind that no one was coming to cause trouble for the Colonel, before packing her gear and making her way back home.

The next morning was rather unwelcome in how early it came, but beyond fatigue the sniper realized just how unnerved she still remained regarding what she had heard the night before. Continuing on in this state wouldn't do, so Riza made up her mind to go to the shooting range at the military base. Perhaps concentrating on her craft would clear her mind of the nonsense occupying it. Methodically the young woman made her way through her small apartment gathering her things; riffle, scope, and pistols all went into her case. Once satisfied her gear was together she fed Hayate before eating a quick breakfast herself and heading out the door.

Riza held a certain affection for the gun range in the morning; it was still relatively cool, and quite often she was the only person on site. This morning was no exception and she found herself more relieved for that than usual. Soldiers generally kept to themselves anyway, but it was nice to have the ability to connect with her weapon and have absolute concentration on her shots with no distractions. Targets had already been put in place for the first group of shooters so Riza picked a spot near the end and set up. It felt like it had been a long time since she had used her rifle so it was the first to be taken out; attaching the scope and inserting a cartridge into the action she overlooked the weapon carefully before easing to the ground and getting into position.

The sniper concentrated now, concentrated on the feeling of the hard, cool ground beneath her, and concentrated of the weight of the gun in her hands. Everything felt right, and oddly that comforted her. Bang! The first shot whizzed down the range and hit the chest area of the target just to the left of the bull’s eye. She was out of practice. Bang! Her second shot left the barrel and this time connected with her intended area on the target. Satisfied with her improvement things became more focused. Bang! Bang! Bang! Three shots met their mark and created a tight collection of holes in the image of the chest.

Under any other normal circumstances Riza wouldn’t have combined her personal issues with her training, but as each bullet left the chamber she could almost feel more of her scattered thoughts go with it. It took her no time to empty the remaining rounds and she released a pent-up sigh. Her marksmanship was unaffected, and that was a relief to her. Perhaps even despite the all of her confused feelings, she would still be able to continue with her duties. Nothing would prevent her form doing her job to assist the Colonel, not even the tumultuous range of emotion she was currently trying to sort through. With a more level-headed approach she replaced the cartridge in her riffle and began a new round of shooting.

Things continued on in that fashion for an undetermined amount of time, Riza never bothering to look at her watch. Each of her techniques was worked over from her riffle to her pistols and finally she was satisfied with her practice that day. It was early afternoon by the time Riza packed up her gear and left. 

She took her time getting home and stopped at a local deli on the way to bring back lunch; at least this way she wouldn’t be worrying about cooking and could focus more on reading her texts. So far things looked like they were going to be manageable, she was able to keep her skills and her emotions in check and at the moment that was all that mattered to her. When Riza finally reached her doorstep, she was surprised to hear her telephone ringing. Quick as she was able she fished her keys from her pocket and hurried in the door.

“Good afternoon,” she greeted, after snatching the receiver

“Hawkeye,” the sharp voice of Colonel Mustang began at the other end of the line. “I’m sorry if I interrupted you, but I’m going to need you to come back here.”

“Sir, I – “ but her firm voice was soon cut off.

“Listen to me Hawkeye, I just got a phone call from Havoc, he’s going to be arriving later this afternoon and I’m sending Breda to get him and take him to his apartment. Falman and Feury are going to be too busy setting up some important contact points for me, so I need you to drop what you’re doing and come back.” His tone left no room for argument.

“Yes, understood Sir,” she affirmed and hung up the phone.

He was using his no-nonsense commanding voice, which meant the pieces of the puzzle were going to be falling into place soon. Havoc returning meant that Doctor Marcoh would be able to get over to a safe meeting location and heal both his paralysis and Colonel Mustang’s eyesight likely within the next few days. It had already taken Havoc longer than she thought it would to make his journey back to Central, but she supposed it must not have been very easy for him to just pull up stakes in his home town so quickly. Admittedly Riza had the selfish thought that since the events of the past few days she would have appreciated a longer amount of time to pass before being in such close proximity to the Colonel. That was truly an unfair mindset though; not only for Havoc, but also for the mission they were trying to build.

At any rate it appeared as if she wouldn’t be at home very long. It was quite fortunate she hadn’t completely dismantled her bag from when she had first stayed at the Colonel’s; with a few quick additions she was ready to leave once more. However, there would be one addition that couldn’t be avoided, and she slipped a leash on Black Hayate to accompany her. With everything settled she locked up the apartment and began making her way back to her superior’s apartment.

The drive felt long considering the circumstances; while she was confident she could still perform her duties amidst the feelings coursing through her, that didn’t change the fact that things were going to be awkward between her and the Colonel for a while. If things weren’t resolved between her and Colonel Mustang it could put further hindrance on their plans and Riza didn’t think she could be responsible for that.

Riza finally arrived at her superior officer’s doorstep and took a steadying breath before giving three short raps on the door. When she was met with silence after a minute or so she frowned and knocked again. After another moment she heard shuffling and a few crashes on the other side of the door before it opened, revealing that it was in fact Colonel Mustang himself answering it.

“Sir!” she exclaimed. “What in the world are you doing answering the door, where is Breda?”

“I sent him home to take care of things before he needs to go and get Havoc,” his voice was still stern as it had been over the phone.

She entered silently but retained a rather unimpressed frown. He could have had the decency to wait until she had arrived before discharging Breda to other duties, but of course he had always been reckless. Placing her bag by the door she unclipped Hayate’s leash and the little dog immediately ran towards the Colonel.

“You brought your dog?” he asked, his voice more curious than serious; he then bent down to give its head a reassuring pet.

“Given the circumstances I didn’t have time to find someone to watch him. If he’s going to cause trouble I can make some phone calls and find a friend or kennel to look after him,” she replied. Her tone was serious but she found she couldn’t hide the slight tinge of a smile that crossed her lips watching her superior interact with her furry companion.

“No, it’s alright Lieutenant. I don’t suspect you’ll be here more than a couple of days, if that. Doctor Marcoh is going to meet with us at Breda’s sometime in the afternoon tomorrow for Havoc, and I hope to be there as well so he doesn’t have to make numerous trips.”

“A wise decision, Sir; especially considering discretion would be advised when it comes to using something like the Philosopher’s Stone,” she affirmed, and made her way to his dining area to place her bag of food on the table. “Would you mind if I ate? I had just gotten in the door when I received your phone call.”

“No, it’s alright Hawkeye,” he permitted and made his way carefully towards the living room.

Riza sat and pulled out her modest lunch of a soup and sandwich; as she ate she watched the Colonel in the living room out of the corner of her eye as he absentmindedly stroked Hayate. For a long while nothing was said, and the two sat as if they were in two completely separate worlds. Riza wondered what was on his mind, before realizing that was an entirely stupid thing to ponder. In a moment like this everything from the past couple of days, even couple of months would be pushed the back of his mind; all he would be thinking about would be his ambition, and the fact that he could finally start forging ahead again. Riza finished her meal relatively quickly and after cleaning up her mess she joined the Colonel in the living room. 

“Is there anything I can do right now to help you, Sir?” she asked. Anything would be better than sitting in silence a moment longer.

His face fell into a slight frown, and he looked for a moment as if he were struggling to come up with what he was going to say. That conflicted and indecisive look wasn’t one she liked to see on his face but given the recent series of events and what she had heard him tell Edward, she knew why it was there. It also told her that his ambitions might not be at the top of his thoughts after all.

“Yes, you can sit and listen to what I have to say,” he finally replied quietly. “I met with Doctor Knox this morning; it’s too long to explain, but he told me I’m developing something called night terrors and it’s likely brought on by stress. Granted with this latest news from Havoc I’m not going to get much time to relax like he ordered. However, there are other steps I can take, and so there’s something that I should probably discuss with you...” he trailed off, uncertainty now laced in his voice.

“I think I know where you’re going to go with this conversation, Sir…” She began hesitantly. Although confident she knew what he was going to bring up, and that there was likely nothing she could do to avoid it, it was still a little hard to forge ahead. “I heard you speaking to Edward last night, and you should know that I also care very deeply for you, but I -- I don’t see how it gets us anywhere to put these feelings out in the open if we shouldn’t be acting on them.”

The man before her gave a bemused smile and shook his head gently. “I knew you were out there; I suppose I just tried to convince myself that you wouldn’t be within earshot,” Roy replied. “Though it can’t be helped now can it, so I suppose I should make an argument for myself. It’s obvious how detrimental it’s been to hold these feelings in. At least if we get this out in the open we can decide how to proceed with our relationship.”

“Well it is out in the open now, isn’t it?” she asked pressingly. “As for how to proceed, I don’t know. If we go ahead with anything we risk not only our careers, but also the mission we’ve set out for ourselves and the good we want to do for Ishval and its people will become lost.”

The Colonel’s expression became more pensive and he sat silently for a moment. “All I can do is let you know my feelings. You’ve been my subordinate for over four years now, and to say we’ve been through a lot together would be an understatement. One thing that has been constant though is your complete devotion to my cause and the amount of trust you’ve given to me. You’ve always made me feel that you’ve believed in me, and you’ve kept through on your word to keep me an honest person and help me continue on the right path. Your stern but gentle nature, your morality, and your capacity to be one of the most compassionate people I know above all else. Riza, there’s nothing I could ever do but love you.”

With the tension in the room slowly crumbling he beckoned her towards him. Hesitantly she moved to sit by him and as she did was gently pulled into his arms. He said nothing at first; he merely held her and stroked her back in wide, reassuring circles. Riza couldn’t help herself feel somewhat tense at first before easing into that embrace, and daring to return it, if somewhat meekly.

“I know everything leading to this point will contradict what I’m about to say next, but you have to believe me… I’m not here to pressure you into anything. All I needed was for you to know that I cared about you, that I love you,” he stated softly.

In this moment, she believed him.

TBC….

A/N: For anyone re-reading this I changed a few details… originally I had stated that Havoc would be sent to the hospital, but I decided after a while that made no sense since it would still be seen as a bit taboo to use a Philosopher’s Stone(even for the right reasons). So I made the rendezvous point Breda’s house, as Mustang’s is full and would likely take up too much attention. Breda and Havoc are also pretty good friends so it made sense to me in that regard too. Hope everything makes better sense now.


	6. Call to Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Roy recruits Havoc back to the team.

BWinner’s Note: Finally, a confession! With how my pacing in other stories usually goes that actually took forever(even if it happened over the course of like one week’s story time). I’m trying super hard not to rush things, and so far, I hope that’s working out. I mean I’d like to hope I’ve conveyed that they’ve had deep feelings for each other for a long time and they’re only now bubbling to the surface, but that’s up to you readers not me ^^; At this point I’m not ashamed to ask for feedback, so drop me a review on how this is going, good or bad…

Crossing the Line - Ch. 6

Roy held her in his arms for perhaps longer than he should have, relishing the fact that she was finally in his embrace. When he released her, he reached out and took her hands in his own, needing her closeness right now. Admittedly he hadn’t thought too far beyond discussing his feelings with his Lieutenant so he was slightly at a loss for what to say.

“I hope you realize our affections towards one another does not deter from the work we should continue to be doing before Havoc arrives and Doctor Marcoh comes to help the two of you,” Riza finally broke the silence.

“While I would normally agree with you Hawkeye, I am under doctor’s orders not to stress myself further, and that means for now I’m not to continue with my studies,” while his tone was humorously smug, he was careful to use professional titles and language. It was best after all not to confuse their personal and professional life as much as possible.

“Are you saying that because you want to have an excuse to sit here holding my hand, or are you saying that because Doctor Knox actually gave you strict orders not to work?” The frown in her tone was obvious.

“Actually, Lieutenant it’s a bit of both… In Doctor Knox’s exact words, I needed to have someone, ‘come over and read something relaxing or get that pretty blonde assistant of yours to take you for a walk…’ his second option seems like a fine idea and it’s a perfect excuse to go for a stroll arm in arm,” a playful grin spread across Roy’s face. “We won’t even look suspicious, I am blind after all.”

“Good lord,” Riza grumbled. “Well, I don’t suppose it’s entirely the worst idea, you’ve been cooped up in either the hospital or this apartment after all. Besides, Hayate will need his afternoon walk before we meet up with Breda and Havoc.”

Roy’s grin turned to one of victory as he was helped off the couch and towards the entryway of the apartment. Riza helped him get his shoes on and made sure he was comfortable before she called for the small black and white dog. Very soon the trio was off and Roy gave a contented sigh as he felt the warm afternoon breeze on his face. His arm was hooked gently with Riza’s and it struck him just how comfortable and natural it felt. At this point he didn’t much know or care where they were going, being in her presence was soothing, and he trusted the woman at his side to lead him along in a suitable manner.

“I thought we might go for a walk through the park near here,” Riza suggested. “Black Hayate will be able to stretch his legs more and perhaps we could get coffee from a vendor near by.”

“Lieutenant, that sounds like an absolutely fine idea,” Roy agreed.

A few moments later they were seated together outside a small café at the edge of the park. For the most part Roy sat sipping his coffee in silence, not wanting to force any kind of conversation. Already he had coaxed more out of the woman across from him than he could recall doing before. So, when she broke the silence again he was a little stunned.

“It’s incredible, you know,” she began. “What you're doing for Havoc, I mean. I’ve never doubted you to be anything less than devoted to any one of us on your team… but even some of the most devoted leaders wouldn’t think to do what you are.”

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t entirely unselfish,” he admitted. “I had a perfect team, and that bitch took one of my most important players… most importantly though, Havoc didn’t deserve the hand fate dealt him so to learn I could reverse that, I really had no other option.”

“Selfish or not, I know he’ll appreciate it, Colonel.” Her voice was soft, yet serious.

Roy lowered his head a little, averting a gaze that wasn't there. He felt responsible for Havoc’s condition, having been so sure of himself that he had gotten her that first time. Hawkeye must have understood because she didn’t press the issue any further. 

They stayed at the coffee shop for only a few more minutes more before picking up and continuing their walk through the park. As Roy heard the sounds of nature, and the odd child playing in the distance he relaxed a little more. Things might have still been slightly chaotic in the government, and rebuilding efforts in Ishval, and Liore would take time, but the public oblivious to such things went about their daily lives in peace, and that was something that soothed Roy very much. When the young Colonel envisioned the country he eventually wished to preside over he envisioned life as days like this most of the time.

They carried on the walk in a comfortable silence before returning back to the apartment where Roy unceremoniously tripped up a couple of the stairs while Riza graciously assisted him and refrained from laughing. Once back inside Roy contemplated looking for an excuse to keep the blonde woman close to him but decided against it; he had pushed his luck a lot in the past few days, and to ruin that by being overzealous would be catastrophic. Luckily for Roy he wouldn’t have to think about it that long as the phone soon rang, it was Breda, with news that Havoc had finally arrived at the station in Central.

At last things finally felt like they were happening, and Roy was eager to discuss plans with his comrade and friend. The drive to Breda’s home, where they would be meeting up with Havoc, felt long and Roy found himself slightly on edge. He knew he shouldn’t be nervous, he wouldn’t have demanded Havoc return to Central if he didn’t think the man would become a member of his unit once again. However, there was still that slight pang of nagging doubt in the back of his mind.

When Roy and Riza finally arrived; Breda ushered them into his home quickly and quietly, cautious of anyone who might be witness to the goings on between the group. Roy stood silent for a moment, thankful that he couldn’t see whatever look the young man was giving him right now. When Riza helped him to a chair he sat down with a deep breath and began to explain.

“I know right now you’re likely wondering what you’re doing back here, and I’ll be frank; I need your help,” Roy admitted.

“Gee Chief, I thought you and I had come to an agreement that I wasn’t going to be much of that in my current state,” Havoc was doing his best to sound flippant and amused, but Roy could hear the annoyance in the back of his voice.

“That’s actually what I brought you here to discuss, and I know it seems crazy to have brought you all the way here when I could have explained over the phone, but I wanted your answer in person. Havoc, I have access to a Philosopher’s Stone,” Roy hesitated for only a second waiting for a reaction. When he was met with none he assumed he was either being stared at dumbstruck, or Havoc was actually interested in what he had to say. “Doctor Marcoh showed up to the hospital shortly after I was admitted. He told me that he had still retained one of the philosopher’s stones that he had created those many years ago in Ishval and he offered to use it to help cure my blindness, but on one condition, that I help rebuild Ishval and set things right in that nation. Considering Ishval was already something I had been planning to work on I agreed, but I only did so on one condition, that he restore the use of your legs first,” he finished.

“I – Wow that’s a lot of information to absorb,” Havoc stammered out.

“Havoc, I can’t do this without every member of my team, and that most certainly includes you. Will you help me?” Roy’s tone was serious, but with a slight pleading edge to it.

“Well, my parents might not be exactly thrilled about the idea, but you know I always have your back Chief. I know you have a plan and if I can do anything to help rebuild the relationships between our two nations I want to be a part of it,” the young man agreed after a moment.

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that,” he confessed. “You’ll stay here for now, and I’ll contact you when Doctor Marcoh will be coming to help the two of us. We both have some long roads of rehab, but it’ll be worth it.”

“Actually, I can answer that right now,” Breda interjected. “Forgive me sir, but I got word from Doctor Marcoh this afternoon that he’s going to be held up another week at least. He received a message from a former patient in the town he used to live in who only got his whereabouts from a friend here in Central. Apparently, it’s quite urgent and he agreed to leave right away. I would have called you sooner, but by the time the message got to me, Havoc was already on the train.”

“I see,” Roy mused. It was a frustrating setback to be sure, but not something entirely shocking for a man like Doctor Marcoh. “If that is the case then I hope you won’t object to being roommates during that time.”

“Don’t sweat it boss, we’ll make it work,” Breda agreed.

“Yeah, you got it; besides it’ll give me more time to think of what the hell I am going to say to my parents,” Havoc chuckled.

Roy stood and gave an understanding nod before reaching out his hand and being met with another warm and delicate one, Hawkeye’s of course. She gave his hand a subtle, but reassuring squeeze before pulling at his arm to lead him from the home. Roy allowed himself to be led to the car, but paused before getting in.

“What do you say we go get a drink and something to eat?” he suggested. “It must be close to dinner time by now.”

“It’s close enough Sir, where would you like to go?” she asked, her tone somewhat mechanical.

Roy could tell she wanted to play this off as a professional scenario, and he waited until they were both seated in the car before continuing. “There’s a pub a few blocks down the street from where I live, I thought it might be nice to have a drink and a meal there and unwind a little.”

Hawkeye said nothing and merely started the car. Within a few minutes they had arrived at the pub and were seated in a booth. Roy wasted no time ordering a pint of beer to go with his sandwich and fries and wasn’t entirely surprised when his partner merely requested water and a soda; she likely still considered herself on duty and would never dampen her reflexes with alcohol. When his beer arrived, Roy instructed the waitress to put it directly in his hand, and when he was confident she was gone he took a generous swig before reclining back in his chair.

“Despite my aversion to paper work, I’m not actually used to sitting idle like this for so long. It’s strange, but at the same time maybe it’ll be nice to have a chance to relax,” he mused.

“Yes,” Riza agreed quietly. “I suppose things will be rather chaotic when Doctor Marcoh returns. It’s best to savour it now.”

“And you’re not put off staying and caring for your superior officer another week?” Roy ventured hesitantly. ‘Especially all things considered from the past few days,’ he added mentally.

“That’s a rather silly thing to be asking considering I’ve been taking care of you for about four years,” came the reply in a deadpan tone. “However, no, I don’t mind caring for the man I love,” she added softly.

Roy’s eyes widened a moment at her confession, had she just said that? He allowed himself a relieved smile and continued to nurse his beer. Riza was definitely right now, this was a moment to be savored; after all this was likely as close to a date as they would ever embark on for a very long time. However, once more Roy found himself in a situation where he was mute, the two had been practically inseparable for the last month or so, and had spent so much time together before that as colleagues, Roy felt it would be kind of stupid to ask something so trivial as, ‘got any hobbies?’ He knew one thing for sure though, in the years the two had been together Roy couldn’t remember them ever discussing something that didn’t involve the war or a mission. It was sad to him really, had their lives really become so one dimensional?

“This question may come out of the blue Lieutenant, but where do you see yourself once we achieve peace?” he asked after a long moment.

The food arriving to their table prevented her from answering right away. Once things in front of Roy were organized and he was eating comfortably, he got his response.

“If I’m being honest Sir, I’ve never thought about it,” she admitted. “Ever since joining the academy it’s been battle after battle; I was thrown into the Ishvalan war before I ever even obtained a real military rank. I know war isn’t all I’ve ever known, but it feels like all I’ve ever known.”

Roy felt guilt beginning to knot into his stomach. He knew that she had been the one to make the active choice and put on the uniform, but that didn’t change the fact that he felt somewhat responsible for giving her the nudge to do so… Standing over her father’s grave spouting off naïve idealism… it seemed so easy and straightforward in those early days. If Roy had any clue back then of how influential he would be and the horrors they would have to commit, of the atrocity that was Ishval, he would have kept his mouth shut.

“Don’t you dare let that statement make you feel guilty. I’m not saying I would have joined the military no matter what, but I’m certainly doing more for this country than I ever would have if I had stayed where I was. I may have faced horrors, but I also know that the reward will outweigh any of that,” she stressed. “If anything, you helped give my life direction, I don’t blame you for anything that’s befallen me based on the decisions I’ve made.

“I see… well thank you Lieutenant, that’s reassuring to hear,” Roy mused softly. She really could read him too well at times.

The two continued their meal in silence and in short order Roy signaled for the check. He handed Hawkeye his wallet to pay the bill and the two left. When they arrived back at Roy’s home Riza helped him to the couch before going into the kitchen to make them some coffee. Black Hayate gave a few excited yips before leaping into the Colonel’s lap, and it struck him how domestic this all felt. It was so different from his normal comings and goings, even more different than how he was brought up, but he wouldn’t deny that it was nice. A soft smile crossed his face.

The rest of the afternoon lulled by, and Roy actually allowed himself a moment to relax and soak in the peacefulness of it all. Havoc had agreed to return to duty, and even though Marcoh had been set back in his plans to assist the two of them with the Philosopher’s Stone, it meant that he would be able to spend some real time with Riza, and time that wasn’t necessarily focused on work. Things were beginning to truly fall into place and it was nice to feel like he was getting back on track.

It wasn’t before long though that Roy found his body listing to the side, his eyes drooping. Although it was likely still early, he asked Hawkeye if she would mind helping him to bed. Last night’s incident regarding the night terror was finally catching up to him, and he decided it would be in his best interests to retire for the evening. She agreed and dutifully helped him to his bedroom and handed him his pajamas; since the colonel had become more properly adept at dressing and undressing himself, she was about to leave before Roy caught her hand.

“If it’s not too forward…” Roy began almost hesitantly, “would it be alright if your escort requested a kiss?”

He heard her inhale sharply, and there was an air of nervous tension. Perhaps he had pushed things too far, until…

“I think that could be allowed…” her voice was soft but had no hint of a tremble.

Carefully Roy felt up her arm to reach for her face, he cupped her cheek in his palm and gently stroked her lower lip with his thumb. Slowly and with slight caution he tilted his head and bent down until he felt his lips touch hers. The hand that had been on her cheek cradled the back of her neck now and he brought his other, pajamas and all, to wrap around her waist. It was a tender feeling, and Roy being a gentleman kept it innocent and sweet, knowing better than to push too hard from a woman who had already given so much. Breaking away at last he gave a warm smile and stepped back.

“Good night, Riza.”

“Good night…” was the whispered response. Then quickly and quietly she was gone.

TBC…


	7. Doctor's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Knox returns after a particularly bad night for Roy, and he brings with him some interesting advice.

BWinner’s Note:  Woohoo, first kiss!  I will warn you, that Roy is probably a little more OOC than expected in this chapter… I’m not trying to make him seem like he’s sorry for himself, and things will be explained, but for now, eh he might seem a little whiny. Also, just a personal musing from me, Doctor Knox is one of the most fun characters to write for. Damn I love that pessimistic old bastard! XD

 

Ch. 7

 

          Riza’s heart raced as she sat on her makeshift bed on the couch.  Gingerly she touched her lips, still feeling the ghostly linger of his kiss there, and a smile subtly spread across her face.  Living a sheltered existence almost all her young life that had actually been her first kiss, and it carried with it the thrill of excitement in starting something new.  Hawkeye tried to think long and hard about the last time her heart had raced with anything besides fear, or the adrenaline felt on the battlefield.  Nothing came to mind.  It was astounding that any one person could have that kind of effect on her.  In a bit of a daze she went to her bags to get her own pajamas and get changed to settle in for the night.

 

          Briefly she had debated pulling out an Ishvalan history text to do some studying of her own, but ultimately decided against it.  Taking one night off wouldn’t hurt, and besides that fact she wasn’t sure she could concentrate that well right now anyway.  The idea bothered her slightly considering how well she had done at the shooting range in balancing her emotions and work; however, she surmised this giddy effect would likely stop happening the more she became used to the idea of being in an intimate relationship with the Colonel.  So instead Riza dared to allow herself to close her eyes and get some sleep early herself.

 

          A piercing scream of agony caused the woman to jolt awake from her rest.  Tearing the blankets off herself she dashed down the hallway towards the source of the sound in the Colonel’s bedroom; when she arrived, she found him drenched in sweat, his arms wrapped around himself, and his unseeing eyes staring ahead in fear.  He said nothing, merely squeezing his hands tighter around his arms, blood beginning to seep through the bandages that covered the wounds Wrath had inflicted upon him.  Riza looked at him with anguish, hating to see the man this way; despite that feeling she was hesitant to get close, remembering what he had told her about attacking Breda.  The fit she had encountered almost a week ago had not been this serious, he had merely been calling out.  Choosing to keep her distance, Riza found a chair in the room and sat there to watch over him while this incident passed, determined not to let him hurt himself should he start flailing.

 

          Riza made sure to keep an eye on the clock in his room and time just how long this particular night terror continued on for, and she was alarmed to note that Roy stayed in his fear induced frozen state for almost five minutes(*) before proper consciousness took over and he released himself with a hiss of pain.  She was going to have to call a doctor to have a look at those wounds as they were likely very strained.  For the moment, however, she continued to sit silently, for fear of startling him further.

 

          “Damn it,” he cursed in between labored breaths.

 

          Riza couldn’t necessarily think of a more opportune time to make herself known, and she gently cleared her throat.  “Are you alright, Sir?”

 

          Roy gave slight gasp and moved in the direction of her voice with a start.  “I-I’m alright,” he said after a moment.  “I’m sorry to have woken you.”

 

          “That’s not important right now; we need to attend to your hands, you’re bleeding rather profusely from your wounds,” she pressed urgently. 

 

          Without allowing him a chance to protest she went into the washroom to fill a bowl with warm water and grab some fresh bandages.  Swiftly and silently she took one of the Colonel’s hands and undressed the wound before dabbing at it with a warm cloth.  When it was sufficiently cleaned she hurriedly rewrapped it before moving onto the other hand.  Riza noted that the Colonel did his very best not to make a sound as she worked, he merely gritted his teeth and sucked in his breath.  After she was finished her work, she laid his hand gently next to him once more and stepped back.  Briefly Riza wondered if it was wise leaving him alone, should she stay in that chair in his room for the night?  Admittedly she didn’t know if a person could have more than one of these night terrors in an evening.  Ultimately, however, she decided that would be unwise.  She needed her rest as much as he needed his, as she still had to perform a great many duties taking care of him.  Knowing from both her own experience and what Roy had explained about the night with Breda, the Colonel was quite vocal in his night terrors, and she would likely hear him have one should it happen again.

 

          “I’m going back to the living room now,” she announced quietly.  “If you need anything else do not hesitate to shout.”

 

          Fortunately for the young woman the rest of the night went by without incident, and she was able to get a decent night’s sleep.  Riza’s alarm went off with a shrill ring and she reached across to quickly silence it as not to wake Roy.  Without wasting any time, she went to the kitchen to prepare the coffee and that morning’s breakfast making sure to keep it simple with just toasted scones and butter with fruit preserves.  Once she was satisfied that things were in order she began to look for the colonel’s address book.  It was eventually found beneath a stack of books and she wasted no time getting Doctor Knox’s number.

 

          “Hello?  Who in the hell do you think you are calling this early in the morning?” the gruff male voice demanded on the other end of the line.

 

          “Doctor Knox, this is Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye; I’m sorry if I woke you, but I’m going to have to ask you to come and look at Colonel Mustang’s hands if at all possible today,” Riza replied, completely unfazed by the man’s brusque nature.

 

           She was met with a loud and very annoyed sigh, and distinctly heard some grumbling before the man replied.  “Fine, it’s not like I can argue with you lot anyway, you’ll just harass me until you get the answers you want.  I’ll be there early this afternoon.”  Then he promptly hung up.

 

          More or less satisfied with the response she got Riza went into the kitchen and grabbed Black Hayate’s kibble before she fixed herself a coffee.  For a long time, she sat alone in the kitchen nursing the beverage and feeling slightly concerned that the man in the room down the hall hadn’t stirred once that morning.  Perhaps last night’s incident had taken more of a toll on him than she initially anticipated.  However, by 10:30am she decided that he shouldn’t be allowed to sleep the day away and got up to wake him.

 

          “Colonel,” she called out, gently shaking the man’s shoulder.  “Colonel Mustang, it’s late and you really should consider getting up and eating something.”

 

          Said colonel gave a tired noise of protest, but turned his face towards her.  “You know, given the circumstances, when we’re alone like this you can call me by my name,” he finally said.

 

          “I… I guess so,” she replied a little meekly.  For some reason the idea of being on a first name basis with the colonel still made her feel uneasy.  If she got too comfortable doing so, she might slip up at the wrong time and create problems for the two of them.

 

          Choosing to say nothing else Hawkeye selected his clothing for the day and allowed him to get dressed.  She reheated the pot of coffee over the stove as she waited for him to come out of the room, but frowned when she realized the scones were a lost cause.  Well, at the very least he could dip them in his coffee to soften them up.  It didn’t take too much longer for Roy to come out of his room, and she watched him as he felt his way down the hallway and through the living room to the kitchen.  It was awful that he even had to do so, but she noted that he was adapting more and more to his situation, and finding various ways to be independent even in his blind state.  Riza allowed him to get comfortable at the table before passing him his coffee and placing a plate with a couple of scones on it in front of him.

 

          “You’ll have to forgive the scones; in hindsight I should have waited to toast them,” she apologized.

 

          “No, it’s alright.  It’s my fault for having stayed in bed as late as I did…”  Roy offered, and then took on a pensive look.  “Hey, Riza… I was thinking, if it wasn’t too much trouble, I’d like you to take me to Hughes’ grave today,” his voice was soft; pained even.

 

          The request was almost startling to Hawkeye, but she supposed it only made sense that Roy would want to make peace with his fallen friend and comrade considering the events of the last couple of weeks.  “Of course,” she agreed.  “Only it will have to be later in the afternoon; I’ve called Doctor Knox to come over and look at your hands.”

 

          The colonel lifted his head and fixed her with a look that was just as annoyed as it was perplexed.  “Why would you do that?  My hands feel fine. He’ll say so himself and then get annoyed we’ve wasted his time.”

 

          “That’s a lie and we both know it,” she shot back before she could stop herself.  “I understand that it’s a hit to your pride to be so incapacitated, but you have to understand your own limits; you also have to allow others to help you if you ever expect to get better!”

 

          Roy bristled and looked as if he was going to fire back when a bang on the door startled the two of them.  “She’s right stubborn idiot!” came a muffled shout from the other side.

 

          Riza recognized the voice as that of Doctor Knox and was surprised considering it was only half past eleven.  Regardless she got up to answer the door and let the man in.  The perpetually scowling man brushed passed the woman rather briskly and moved to place his bag on the kitchen counter before washing his hands.  Riza merely sighed and closed the door behind him before taking her seat at the dining room table once more.

 

          “What brings you so early doctor?”  Roy asked, his tone still acidic.  “Hawkeye just finished saying we wouldn’t be expecting you until later, unless my sense of time is that skewed now.”

 

          “Damn it, Mustang!” the man bellowed.  “What in the hell did I tell you about that crap attitude of yours!  You might not have been the one to call me, but your lovely subordinate here did.  Because I know you as well as I do I am very much inclined to believe her when she tells me something is wrong; so, sit down, shut up, and let me do my work!”

 

          Hawkeye chose to remain silent, not wanting to add to the air of animosity quickly building.  Although she couldn’t help but smile a little at the colonel’s expense when he took on the angry pout of an admonished child.  The doctor soon came to the table with his medical bag and took a seat next to Roy. Gently he reached over and grasped the closest hand to him and removed the bandages, if possible his scowl grew deeper upon giving it a close inspection.

 

          “You’ve got the starting of wound dehiscence; it more or less means there’s been too much time between ripping your stitches back open, and having me come to repair it.  The skin isn’t fusing together right.  Lucky for you it’s not too terrible yet and I can fix it without too much damage to your hands,” he gently put that hand down and reached across for the other one, repeating the process on it.  “I can essentially guess what happened to do this kind of damage, and I know it’s only been one day, but I am trusting in that time you have taken my advice and refrained from anything stressful.  If not, this is only going to get worse for you, be it straining your hands or another injury.”

 

          “We’ve made sure he’s taken it easy,” Hawkeye replied, watching as Doctor Knox dug through his medical kit.  

 

          The man nodded in turn for now and proceeded to pull out medical needles and surgical thread as well as bottles of iodine and saline solutions.  Quietly he rummaged around the kitchen, and emerged with a metal bowl to pour the iodine into. Placing the needles and silk thread in the bowl he turned to Colonel Mustang once more. “It’ll be about ten minutes for me to be able to get to work.  In that time, I want you to tell me what brain storming you’ve been doing in regards to reducing the amount of stress you’re under.”

 

          Roy frowned and kept his head bowed towards the table.  “I’ve been trying to express my thoughts and feelings to people close to me who have needed to hear such thoughts and feelings for a long time,” he said, seemingly choosing his wording very carefully.  “I’m also going to be trying to obtain closure for myself the incidents from the promised day and beyond.  Even if it’s only talking to his ghost, I need Hughes to know that he didn’t back the wrong man.  Of course, I’ve listened to you as well, and will continue to listen to you for now, and have ceased my relentless studying.  Ishval needs the work I am going to do, but it needs it from a stable me.”

 

          “Hmph, you’re doing better than I ever thought to, so thank god you know how to take advice from your elders,” he responded in a gruff tone.  “Now, before I start I have to warn you, I have nothing for anesthetic.  Do you want something to bite on while I work?”

 

          “No, doc,” Roy replied with a tinge of guilt in his voice.  “Just do what you need to do.”

 

          The procedure was mercifully short, taking about ten minutes on each hand.  Riza once again watched in silence as Roy merely grit his teeth and scrunched his face in pain, but made barely a sound aside from brief grunts or heavy breathing.  Doctor Knox snipped the last piece of thread before dabbing at his work with a damp warm cloth and beginning to pack up his supplies.  It was while he was washing some of his instruments in the kitchen that she got up from the table to speak with him on a private level.

 

          “Doctor Knox, I’m afraid I need some advice,” she began in a tone just above a whisper.  “I won’t lie that I feel completely helpless when the Colonel has one of those fits in his sleep.  I just want to know if there’s anything aside from easing his stress that we can do to help him through this.”

 

          “Get into bed with him,” the man replied without looking up at her.

 

          “I beg your pardon?”  she shot back incredulously.

 

          “When he’s finished thrashing after his fit, get into bed with him and hold him, say reassuring things to him; do anything you can think of that would calm him.”  He turned the tap off and faced her now, his expression entirely serious.

 

          “I’ll remind you that I am a female, lower ranking officer, and such an action would be highly inappropriate,” she insisted.

 

          “Look, do you want him to get better or not?  Because medically that’s the best advice I can give; a soothing embrace will bring down his levels of adrenaline and help him refocus his mind better.  As for your military rank, you two are alone here; if you don’t say anything who will know?”  Not waiting for her response, he proceeded to march back into the dining room and put away the rest of his materials.

 

          “What are you two whispering about?”  Roy asked, and Riza felt her cheeks flush a little.  


          “Nothing that concerns you,” Doctor Knox answered abruptly.  “I know it’s not entirely in your control at this point, but do your best not to move those hands,” and with nothing left to be said he let himself out.

 

          The silence that lingered in the air after his departure was thick.

 

TBC…

 

(*)When looking up night terrors for the incident in this chapter I found a medical website describing people suffering from this being stuck in a paralysis state from anywhere from five minutes to fifteen minutes. The same web page also said that one of the best ways to handle someone after a night terror is to be calm with them, and embrace them… just reassure them.   It just happens that works in my favour for this fic.


	8. Before the Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy returns to Hughes' grave in what he feels is a gesture of duty and honor.

BWinner’s Note: My apologies from this point on my updates might be sparse. This fic finally matches what I have on fanfiction.net chapter wise, and I normally update this story on fanfiction.net once a month(or every two months if I get swamped with parental and work duties). Hopefully the people watching this fic think it's worth waiting for!

Ch. 8

Roy sat silently a moment longer, taking easing breaths he tried to push the pain he felt to the back of his mind. There were more important matters at hand right now, like a visit to an old friend that had been put off for far too long. Roy had originally considered going when his sight was restored and when his wounds had healed a little more, however, seeing as that was going to take longer than planned he didn’t feel right putting this trip off any longer than he had been. Before any of that could take place though…

“I’m sorry,” he finally said quietly. “I shouldn’t hinder you when you’re only trying to help me… I’ve caused you so much trouble already.”

“You know that’s not how I see it, Sir,” she replied, her tone stern but not harsh.

Roy gave a soft chuckle and shook his head, he shouldn’t have expected any other response from the woman. He was grateful that they had the level of understanding they did between them, and that either of them wouldn’t hold an off day against the other.

"If it's okay, Riza, I'd like to get going now," he confessed.

"Yes, right away," she replied.

Within a few moments she had gathered his coat and shoes and helped him into them before leading him out of the apartment and to his car. The drive was long, and oddly silent; as their journey continued Roy could feel the lump in his throat getting bigger. He couldn't decide whether it was a blessing or a curse that he couldn't tell how close they were getting to the cemetery. 

Since his friend's death Roy had been thinking a lot about the time they had shared together, and there was one thing his mind constantly fell to, that he had jinxed his friend(*). Roy had always given him a hard time for gushing over his family, due to the fact that in books and movies the happy family man was always the first to be killed, then that exact thing happened to Hughes. Perhaps if Roy had kept his mouth shut, he would have been safe. Deep in his heart of hearts he knew that wasn't true, but it was a thought that had burned its way into his head anyway.

Of course, he couldn’t forget how he had relentlessly pursued Hughes' killer. He felt bad enough for hurting Hawkeye at that time, but in his rage, he had also marred the memory of his friend. He had become an insult to everything Hughes was working towards; he had become unworthy of being pushed to the top. When reflecting on that incident it felt as if all the hard work Hughes had managed to do had become undone.

Roy felt the car jerk to a stop and took a deep breath. His passenger's side door soon opened and he felt Riza take his hand and help him from the car. Within a few minutes they came to a stop and Roy flexed his hands gently by his side in an unconscious display of nerves.

"Is there anyone else around?" he asked softly.

"No, Sir," came the verification. One he was relieved to hear.

"Then, if you don't mind... could you leave me here alone for a while. You can keep me in sight, but I'd like a private moment," he requested.

"As you wish," she agreed softly.

Roy stood and waited for a few moments to make sure she was out of earshot before daring to address his friend. "I'm sorry," he stated after a particularly long moment. "I'm so sorry it's taken so long for me to come here... I should tell you first off, we won Hughes, we're taking this country back from the evil that corrupted it. You were onto something real big about the evil coming from within the government, but you had no idea how big; King Bradley was one of them. Our very own leader," Roy gave a humourless chuckle. 

Heaving an uneasy sigh Roy hung his head. He was having a hard time getting to the point. There was a deep feeling of shame he was unable to shake standing here, and even though Hughes was unable to speak back to him, he felt that if he were to admit his flaw he would lose the connection he felt with his friend. However, if he didn't finally get it off his chest, and ask for forgiveness from the ghost of his friend, Roy knew he would never be able to live with himself.

"Hughes... I owe you one more apology,” he began slowly. "I-I found your killer, and although I avenged you, I did it in the worst possible way. Losing you... especially in the way I did... I led you into a rat's nest that ended in your demise... and learning, learning how the enemy killed you... You didn't deserve such a cruel fate. I became a maniac Hughes, consumed by my rage; if it hadn't been for Riza, and Edward, even Scar if you can believe it, I'd have gone over the edge and been lost to my hatred forever." Tears welled up in his eyes now and he turned his head from his friend's grave in shame. "Above all else I've come to tell you how sorry I am, even if you can never forgive me."

Roy stood alone for a while longer and was careful to wipe away the evidence of his weakness. When Riza finally returned, she made her presence known with a gentle grasp of his sleeve. Roy didn't know if his tear stained eyes were obvious or not, but if they were she made no mention of it; something he was grateful for. They didn't exchange words, merely stood in silence at the grave site with their hands gently entwined. 

After another brief moment Roy tugged at her hand, indicating he was ready to go. She made the quiet suggestion to go to a small deli to have a more relaxed lunch, and he agreed. The rest of the day was simply quiet and with little excitement; Roy felt emotionally drained and Riza seemed to understand that so they opted to take another stroll in the park by his apartment before heading back. 

After super that evening Roy opted once again for an early bed time. Despite the likelihood of another night terror, Roy really just wanted this day to be over with, and the tension that came with it. Once more he was relieved when he didn't hear Riza protest, she merely handed him his night clothes and bid him a good night. Frustratingly though, Roy found he couldn't fall asleep that easily. While he had known it wasn't going to be an instant fix, the guilt of the situation with Hughes, and all it entailed after the fact, still weighed heavily on his conscience…

Roy's eyes snapped open, and suddenly, frighteningly he felt his chest tightened to the point of being painful. Something was wrong, very wrong. He could feel it in his bones, something was coming, but he couldn't see damn it! Yet no matter how hard he tried he couldn't close his eyes to alleviate that awkward sensation of the eyes being open only to have a world of darkness. His body wouldn't move either, not a twitch or a flinch... Roy was paralyzed, blind, and very much afraid. His breathing quickened, while he simultaneously tried to catch his breath. Were there footsteps in the room? He was sure he could hear something coming towards him, heavy and lumbering the sound pounded in his ears.

"...I'm right here, it's okay..." a gentle voice suddenly began to cut through the noise and chaos. "Take it easy, I'm here by your side," he heard it again.

Groggily Roy came to and gained control of his body; he felt a hand stroking his own, and there was a weight lying beside him on the bed. "Riza?" he ventured cautiously.

"Are you awake now? It's okay, I'm here with you," she replied. 

"It, it almost felt worse this time," he confessed. "Perhaps going to Hughes' grave today was a mistake." Roy didn't think to question why she was lying next to him, he was just grateful to have the warmth and comfort by his side.

"It almost sounded worse," she admitted. "Your scream was much louder, and it seemed to last for at least a couple of minutes before you started to almost hyperventilate. Why would you think having a moment at the grave of your best friend was a mistake though?"

"Be-because I had to dredge up all of my guilty feelings," Roy stated softly. "Even though that thing took my best friend, I still feel like I'm the one responsible for his death. Not only did he follow me in trying to expose the government and push me to the top... I, I swear I feel like I jinxed him."

"I'm afraid I don't follow, what in the world could you have done to jinx him?" Riza asked sounding very perplexed.

"Hughes always did like to talk about his family; before he had his daughter, it was of his wife, and well, you know how he got when Elicia was born. Any time he would start gushing over them, and I was around, I would joke at him to stop and tell him that guys who go on and on about their families are always the ones to be killed in books and movies... and that's exactly what happened to him." Roy felt that lump in his throat again as he spoke. "If I had kept my stupid mouth shut, his Elicia would still have her father, and Gracia her husband."

"That's crazy!" Riza stressed. "You shouldn't possibly think for a moment that just because you said something in jest, you caused a man to die.”

“I know it sounds stupid,” Roy admitted sullenly. “It’s just something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since his death.”

He was startled when he felt the woman next to him collect him in her arms and hold him gently to her, a reassuring hand running through his hair. “You foolish man,” she murmured.

Roy struggled a little to turn while in her embrace to face her, before wrapping his own arms around her. “If I’m honest, the memory of almost losing you still haunts me as well. Sometimes when I’m in that moment between wakefulness and sleep I see that horrible image of you in my mind’s eye, bloodied and crumpled on the cold concrete floor of those tunnels. My stubbornness and stupidity nearly cost your life as well… I could have lost everything.”

“How many times do I need to tell you, my decisions are my own, and I decided to follow you.” Her tone was back to sounding displeased. “I would risk everything all over again if it meant seeing you safe, and seeing you achieve your goals.”

Roy grit his teeth and pulled Riza’s forehead against his own. He of course knew that he should know better, and that Riza was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but even still many of his ambitions brought on an unnecessary danger in multiple ways. Even now when things had lulled into what could be considered peace, the Ishval region was still quite unstable, going there presented many risks of violent backlash. The Ishval Policy was for the greater good, of course, but Roy still knew if anything happened to Riza, he would blame himself for it.

“Thank you,” he murmured after a while. “Thank you for listening to me, thank you for believing in me.”

Nothing more was said and Roy leaned up to kiss her forehead before tucking her head under his chin and continuing to hold her close. It was a silent plea for her to stay next to him tonight, one he noticed she made no move to protest. He found it took no time for him to fall back asleep now, wrapped up in the care and understanding of the woman he loved.

TBC…

(*)There’s no proof Roy thinks he jinxed his friend, that’s just some head-canon I have. You can absolutely disagree with me on it if you want to.

A/N: Well then, after all that excitement that was a more somber note. I’ve always had the feeling that Roy would want to talk to Hughes after all was said and done, especially after his altercation with Envy. I don’t think it would be an easy moment for him necessarily, but one he would eventually want to take on. I know he visited his grave in the series before the final battle, but so much happened in that final battle, especially the war against himself, that I really think he’d have wanted to talk to the ghost of his friend again.


	9. Nerves of Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment Roy has been dreading, but a step he knows he must take,

BWinner’s Note: I know I said I would be more proactive in my chapter updates, but writer’s block slapped me in the face. This took me way longer than I wanted to start. However, I do think I am close to wrapping this particular story up. One, maybe two more chapters tops. For any readers that have stuck it out with me, thank you so much for your patience!

Breaking Point - Ch.9

Roy awoke far earlier than he wanted to; he was alarmed at first to feel the warmth of another person beside him before he came to his senses and remembered last night’s incident. Riza’s willingness to comfort him, probably beyond her own level of comfort, touched him. A smile spread across his lips and he held the woman closer to him; it felt so natural and he savoured having her in his arms. It was during a moment like this though that he ached to have his sight back, to be able to see her peaceful sleeping face in the morning light. He was grateful that day would be coming soon.

The woman in his arms gave a gentle murmur and nestled herself deeper in his embrace, and his soft smile broadened at the feeling. For a long while all Roy felt was the gentle rhythm of her body’s breathing before she slowly shifted and he felt her prop herself up on the mattress. 

“Good morning,” she greeted softly.

Roy could sense a timidity and uncertainty about her. It shouldn’t have come as a shock to him really, Riza was not a very forward person emotionally, and the lead up to their romantic intentions towards one another had been rather rocky. Roy also knew that even though Hawkeye wasn’t a stickler for protocol, after all she was this particular rule breaker’s subordinate, there were still some lines she didn’t like to cross.

“Good morning,” he returned with a gentle smile.

“I trust you slept well,” the blonde added.

“Thanks to you I did.” The statement might have been considered a little forward, but it was the truth.

Nothing more was said, and instead Roy felt the bed shift once more and realized that she had gotten out of it. It didn’t take long before he heard water running in the kitchen and understood that Hawkeye was busy working on breakfast. While it stung a little that she wanted to run away so quickly, he understood that it would take more time before they would be completely comfortable in prolonged situations of intimacy.

Breakfast was eaten in moderate silence, and when Roy finished he stared unseeingly into the coffee cup gripped between his two hands. Today was going to be another hard day, and it would likely result in another hard night. However, it was one of the last things he had to do in order to tie up the loose ends of his conscience. Going to Hughes’ grave was difficult the first couple of times following his death, but Roy hadn’t dared to face Gracia. His ambitions were part of the reason that she didn’t have her husband, and why Elicia didn’t have her father. 

For all of the pain Roy put them through, they deserved closure. As Maria Ross was soon to be officially instated back into the military Gracia deserved to know that her husband’s true killer was not at large somewhere, and that she could be at peace with such a fact. That thought alone fueled Roy’s resolve and helped push some of the cowardice he felt to the back of his mind.

“Riza, I need you to call Mrs. Hughes for me. Please, ask her if she has a time to see me this afternoon.” Roy cursed the fact that his voice shook a little with his nerves.

“Are you sure that’s wise, Sir?” his Lieutenant’s skeptical voice retorted back. She never missed a beat, and seemingly knew what he intended to do. Before he had a moment to counter she continued. “Not to throw this in your face, but last night you did tell me that you thought it might have been a mistake going to Hughes’ grave being in your current emotional state. I don’t want you to go through the same pain and frustration.”

“I don’t feel I really have a choice right now, Hawkeye. Maria Ross is soon going to be returning to active duty once the Fuhrer clears up the incident involving her apparent assassination, and I think Gracia deserves to know that her husband’s killer isn’t still at large. It’s my responsibility to let her know just what is going on and I’ve shrugged it off.” Roy was sure to slip in the more professional name to emphasize how serious he was, and that this was not up for discussion.

“You’ve been in the hospital!” she shouted in exasperation. “Colonel, I understand your frustrations, but you need to be less hard on yourself.”

Roy pursed his lips and took in a deep breath; she never was one to follow orders she felt went against his greater good. Granted he knew she had a point, but he wanted so badly to get these painful affairs over with. Not only did he need to do this out of a desire to put such uncomfortable things behind him, but he also knew that he would be seeing Doctor Marcoh soon; Roy wanted nothing to hold him back from his plans of the Ishval Policy once his eyesight was returned to him. That included any uncomfortable conversations regarding the events of the last year.

“Hawkeye, if you don’t make that phone call, then I’ll find someone who will,” he announced. It was an unfair thing to say to be sure, but Roy was determined for this to happen.

He heard an agitated sigh and then the phone being lifted off the receiver. The conversation between the two women was short and curt with Riza only informing Gracia of Roy wanting to discuss something with her. Luckily, he didn’t hear any protests or arguments coming from his Lieutenant, which meant he was in the clear for a meeting.

“She said she can meet with you around three o’clock.”

Roy nodded at the statement, relieved she didn’t follow it with another protest. The remainder of the morning was quiet. Roy opted to stay inside and listen to the radio allowing himself to relax as best he could before leaving, and excused Riza to be able to get caught up on some personal matters. The chatter of radio hosts and gentle drawl of the music went almost unnoticed by Roy as he turned over in his mind what he would say to the widow of his late best friend. If she asked him how it happened, just what was he going to say? He didn’t think he could bring himself to tell her the information that homunculus had shared with him.

The Colonel was eventually rescued from his thoughts when Hawkeye returned and announced that it was time to go. As with the drive to Hughes’ grave, it was silent in the car; only this time it was slightly more uncomfortable. Roy kept his head up and his unseeing gaze ahead in an effort to give off the impression of more confidence than he currently felt. When the car came to a stop he took a deep assuring breath and waited to be guided to the door.

The short walk from the car to the front door of Mrs. Hughes’ residence felt like it could almost be a walk to the gallows. There was just such a heavy feeling in his gut about what was going to be discussed, and he still wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to say if she asked how it happened. Hawkeye gave three short raps to the door and there was some shuffling from within before Roy heard it open.

“Good afternoon Colonel Mustang,” Gracia’s soft voice greeted.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Hughes, thank you for taking the time to see me,” he returned politely.

Riza helped him inside and he was led to a sofa and sat down. Roy noted almost immediately that he didn’t hear the cheerful voice of Elicia anywhere in the vicinity; perhaps Gracia knew how serious this conversation was going to be and sent her to a friend’s or relatives for the afternoon. Regardless without the rambunctious youngster around this would be somewhat easier.

“I just wanted to come by and pass on some information,” Roy got directly to the point, albeit in a slow tone. “The public hasn’t been made aware yet but 2nd Lieutenant Maria Ross, the woman accused of murdering your husband, is still alive and she’s soon to return to service in the military. I know this may sound nonsensical to you, but to explain I… I faked her death, and I smuggled her out of the city to protect her. She was falsely accused of your husband’s murder by corrupt members of our military.” He stopped now and waited for some kind of reaction from his friend’s widow.

The woman in question took in a rather shaky breath. “I get the impression that there’s more to the story than what you’re explaining. I certainly hope you wouldn’t come all this way to inform me that my husband’s killer is at large.”  
“No, ma’am. Rather, it’s the opposite. Through personal research regarding corruptions in the military, I did track down Brigadier General Hughes’ murderer, and I pursued him,” Roy paused and considered his next statement very carefully. “After a fierce battle, I watched him take his own life. I understand all of this information is likely a shock to your system, but I felt I had to inform you. I could not allow the wife of an old friend, and brave soldier, to be kept in the dark with such important information; or to believe that we would return a murderer to military service.”

“I-I see,” was all he heard her say after a minute.

“I’m sorry, Gracia. I just couldn’t bear the thought of you not being informed of this, and to ever think for a second that we would give your husband’s killer a pardon like that,” he stressed.

“No, I understand Roy, and thank you. It’s just… who was responsible?” Her voice was timid and quiet, almost as if she felt this wasn’t a question she should be asking, for any number of reasons.

“A monster,” was all Roy could think to reply with at first. “He was what we alchemists call a homunculus, and he did terrible things. There were seven of them, named for the seven deadly sins of man, and they were working with a very powerful alchemist to try and destroy this country. I feel a need to stress though, that even though there is some restructuring to do in the military, you are safe. Fuhrer Grumman is a capable and extraordinary man, he’s working to round up the corrupt higher ups in the military and put them on trial. This country is moving in the right direction again.”

“I believe you Colonel Mustang,” she stated with confidence in her voice. “May I ask now, how you’re doing? I see bandages on your hands and seeing Lieutenant Hawkeye assisting you here confirms the rumors I’ve heard around Central about you being blinded in a fight.”

“I’m doing much better than I was,” Roy admitted. “The injuries to the rest of my body healed to the point where the hospital released me; Hawkeye has been staying with me to help me around the home. I was given some more hope as well, there’s a doctor who believes he can help me with my sight.”

“Wow, that’s incredible, I hope it works out.”

“Thank you,” came his soft reply. Roy fidgeted with the bandages on his hands slightly now, unsure of what else to speak on.

After a rather long moment he finally decided he should excuse himself. He had delivered such intense news and knew that small talk likely wasn’t going to happen after the fact. Roy also felt uncomfortable in this household now; while it had been nearly a year since Hughes’ passing the grief still felt thick in the air. Gracia didn’t seem offended by his need to leave early and helped escort himself and Hawkeye to the door. Roy was about to step out when he felt someone grab his sleeve.

“Before you leave Colonel Mustang,” Gracia’s gentle voice halted him. “If you feel in any way that you are responsible for the death of my husband, please don’t. My husband was a passionate man who only wanted what was best for his country, and he saw you as a person who wanted the same. He was happy to support you, and I know that he would never want you to blame yourself.”

“Again, thank you, Gracia,” Roy gave a humble nod of his head in the direction her voice came from. 

Roy felt his legs shake slightly as he and Riza walked back to the car. When they finally made it back to his apartment, and the doors were closed, he took the woman in his arms as his trembling worsened. Even though that meeting with Gracia had gone well, his nerves felt shot. Riza seemed to be taken aback at first as Roy felt her stiffen when he grasped her, though after a moment he felt her arms slowly wrap around his waist and she gently rubbed his back.

“I’m sorry,” Roy stated after a moment. “I just… I thought for sure she was going to yell at me.”

The woman said nothing and merely continued to hold him in a soothing embrace. However, their tender moment was cut short when the phone rang, and Roy reluctantly let Riza go in order to answer it. After what seemed like a very brief conversation she came back and took his hand in her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Sir, that was Breda. Doctor Marcoh will be arriving in the morning. It’s finally time.” There was an obvious smile in her tone.

Roy let out a relieved sigh and allowed a ghost of a smile on his lips. The burdens on his mind were slowly being ebbed away, and he could finally picture himself moving forward. “Finally, some positive news in this mess I’ve made for myself. Just please Riza, help me sit down.”

Swiftly and quietly she wrapped her arm around his waist and took him to the couch. He sank hard into the piece of furniture and leaned his head back. He felt so overwhelmed and conflicted right now, adrenaline from both fear and exhilaration catching up to him. One thing was very much for certain in his mind though, and that was he wouldn’t have been able to do any of this with out the strength and support of his Lieutenant, no, the woman he loved. His Queen.

“You need to be there,” he said after a rather long silence. “I need you to be in that room when Doctor Marcoh helps me. I need you to be the first thing these poor tired eyes see when my sight returns.”

He heard a noise from the woman next to him, something that sounded as if she were about to protest his statement. Instead her hand gently came to rest over his own before she softly replied, “of course, Sir.”

The night looming ahead suddenly didn’t seem so terrifying.

TBC…


	10. Sacred Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come for Havoc and Roy to be healed by Marcoh's Philosopher's Stone, but will the moment live up to the expectations?

BWinner’s Note: I’m in the home stretch, woo hoo! It’s been an interesting journey for a fanfic I thought was only going to have like two chapters. I’m really glad so many people have liked it, this is the first fic I have done of this nature, not to mention my first fic for FMA. I know updates have been slow, and I am sorry for that, but I really have worked hard to make this fic something worthwhile for fans to read. So, without further rambling…

Breaking Point - Ch.10

Roy Mustang was really starting to get sick of these early mornings; or at least what he assumed were early mornings. This interrupted sleep was beginning to take a toll on his body, leaving him more and more exhausted when he awoke. Last night had played out like all of the nights before, waking up with his heart racing and his mind addled with fear. It disturbed him how these terrors almost seemed to be becoming routine. Hawkeye had once again come to his room, soothed him, and once again chosen to remain by his side for the rest of the night. This morning was different from yesterday morning however, this morning she was not by his side as he awoke. 

It really shouldn’t have been a surprise to him, after all today was an important day and they didn’t have time to dilly dally around in bed. Today the Flame Alchemist was finally going to get his eyes back.

He shouldn’t have been so conflicted about that notion, yet he was. Gaining his sight back meant moving forward with his goals, taking one step closer to repairing the damage he had caused those many years ago. However, gaining his sight back also meant the departure of Riza. Starting today it would go back to nothing but strict protocol on their part, regardless of their feelings for one another. Was Riza the type of woman who wouldn’t mind sneaking around to be with him? Roy wanted to say yes, but in truth he didn’t know.

Realizing he was feeling sorry for himself Roy shook his head and got out of bed. There would be time to cross that bridge later, he had to focus right now. Reaching a hand out in front of himself he began to feel his way out of his bedroom to the kitchen once again. The smell of bacon soon became vibrant as he made it into the hall and the sound of a spatula on metal pans fell on his ears. Roy grimaced as he reached the end of the hall and took one hand from the wall, he was currently against, to feel in front of him as he made his way through the no man’s land that was his living room. Almost instantly his hand was grasped in Riza’s soft touch and that sour look on his face brightened a little. 

“I can appreciate your excitement for today, but you really should have waited for me to come and get you, Sir,” her no nonsense voice scolded. “The last thing we need is you injuring yourself further by being stubborn and setting the plan back because we’d have to wait even longer for you to heal.”

“Can’t blame a man for trying,” he joked before allowing her to lead him to the kitchen table.

A coffee cup was soon placed between his two hands and he held it there for a moment as he continued to listen to her bustle about the kitchen. Roy really would miss moments like this. Soon enough the meal was ready, and she sat down to eat with him. Over the week she had been there Riza had done what she could to allow him some semblance of independence, and that meant breakfasts were restricted to what could be easily picked up with one’s hands. This morning she had taken all of the components of a breakfast with bacon and eggs and put it between two slices of buttered toast. Roy was pleasantly surprised with it.

“You know one thing I am oddly disappointed about regarding today,” Roy began softly. “Havoc is being healed first… I won’t get to see the expression on his face as his paralysis is fixed,” he admitted, his voice laced with self pity.

“Are you sure my face is still the one thing you wish to see first when your sight is restored then?” she countered.

“Yes,” he replied without a second thought. “If I am only able to have one selfish desire in this whole situation, then that is the one I am taking.”

Nothing more was said on the matter and the two continued on their breakfast in relative silence. When Roy finished his meal, he sat nursing his coffee leaving room for Hawkeye to clean the kitchen a little before she helped him select his clothes for the day. He never did get used to someone else dressing him, and it was slightly more awkward with Riza since laying his emotions so bare to her. Often, he had wondered what expression she wore as she helped him into his shirts and pants… did she blush adorably? No. Roy could never really see her blushing, even in such a situation. Knowing what he did of the woman it was probably safer to assume she averted her eyes as much as possible when she changed him in an effort to maintain a shred of his privacy. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” he murmured softly as he felt her fasten the last button on his shirt. 

“It’s not a problem, Sir,” she replied in her straight-laced fashion. 

Roy didn’t know if he could handle one more awkwardly silent car ride, and was grateful that today might put a stop to them. There were some things he could have brought up at this time, but they seemed awfully trite. Things as silly as, ‘I’m going to miss you,’ or ‘our time together has been beautiful,’ was flowery nonsense that had no place being exchanged between the two of them. Even if it was how he secretly felt. Hawkeye, likely wanting to respect her officer’s wish for peace, remained silent as well and after what felt like hours the car finally came to a gentle stop.

Roy cautiously felt along the inside panel for the handle to let himself out, though it didn’t matter because in a few short moments she was there guiding him and helping him avoid tripping on the curb. Breda answered the door almost instantly when they knocked and quickly the two were ushered inside. Roy could hear some murmurs from inside, recognizing them as Havoc, Marcoh, and Doctor Knox; the later was a bit of a surprise before Roy came to his senses and realized that the man might want to see the stone at work. This would be a rare opportunity after all. 

“Hey Chief!” Havoc’s droll voice called out. “Today’s the moment of truth isn’t it?”

“It is,” Roy agreed. “Thank you again for agreeing to do this.”

“Hello, Colonel Mustang,” the voice of Doctor Marcoh finally greeted. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to get to you, I had a patient that needed a fair bit of attention.”

“It’s alright Doctor, in an odd sense it was a good thing that I had more time in this state. It gave me more time to reflect on aspects of my life, and get closure in others,” he assured.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. At any rate I don’t think it’s fair to make either of you wait any longer. Mustang, as I recall you said you wanted me to help your friend first, this is still the case?”

“Yes, my thoughts on that haven’t changed.”

Nothing more was said and Roy heard some shuffling as Doctor Marco presumably sat down. He distinctly heard Havoc take a deep breath before there was a flash of change in the lighting of the room. Then silence for a moment, before Havoc released a surprised gasp followed by a chuckle. 

“It’s crazy… it’s like that pins and needles feeling you get after one of your limbs falls asleep!” Havoc exclaimed. “It’s definitely there though, I can definitely feel something again!”

Mustang found himself smiling, an odd sense of relief washing over him. It was a small comfort that he was able to at least reverse one tragedy that befell a member of his close circle. It was good to know that it worked, and that his friend would eventually be okay again.

“That’s good,” Doctor Marcoh assured. “I can tell you this though, the rehabilitation will be rough. Your muscles have entered a state of atrophy due to lack of use, you’ll need to remain in that wheel chair for a few months yet while you attend rehabilitation sessions at the military hospital. How many months it will take to a full recovery will depend entirely on you and how much you work for it.”

“We’ll keep him on track doc, don’t you worry,” Breda interjected.

“Before I do anything for Colonel Mustang, I need all the drapes in the room to be closed,” the doctor instructed. “It needs to be as dark as we can make it in here because when Mustang’s sight is restored the world around is going be incredibly bright for him.”

Roy sat silently and listened to the bustling around the room, the pulling of cloth and scrape of curtain rings against their rods. Finally, things quieted down once more and he heard a chair pull up in front of him. There was the gentle pressure of a hand on his knee before that same bright flash penetrated his eye lids. Roy kept his eyes closed, waiting for instructions from Doctor Marcoh; he couldn’t for the life of him explain why he felt nervous now.

“When you go to open your eyes, do it very slowly, even a little bit of light is going to be somewhat overpowering to you at first,” he was instructed.

Roy only nodded in response. “Hawkeye, are you there?” he called out.

“Yes, Sir,” she replied softly. “I’m just behind the doctor.”

Roy slowly opened his eyes and did what he could to focus. Things were still very dark, but that was to be expected given the instructions he heard. Shapes he could make out were blurred and his eyes felt significantly strained. Roy felt a slight pang of disappointment, this wasn’t exactly what he had expected.

“I won’t lie Doctor Marcoh, it’s hard to see anything right now,” he admitted, hoping the discouragement was hidden from his voice.

“Sadly, that’s going to be the case for a while. You’re going to have to stay in dimly lit rooms and shaded areas for a while, until your eyes get used to the light around you again. You might also have issues with depth perception and blurred vision,” Doctor Marcoh explained. “However, to make this slightly easier I’ve brought something from a fellow doctor I know who specializes in eyesight. It’s a type of shaded lens, and it should protect your eyes from outdoor light somewhat and allow you to get around easier. That being said I do recommend someone continue to stay with you during your adjusting period.”

“I see, well thank you doctor,” Roy said as he grasped the object placed in his hands. “Looks like we have our work cut out for us now, hey Havoc,” 

“Yeah, you got that right, Chief,” Havoc chuckled. “It’ll be worth it though. Returning this country to the people and doing what I can to mend the damage in Ishval… there’s no way I wouldn’t want to be a part of that.”

“Heh, aren’t you ever the group of optimists,” Doctor Knox snorted in his usual cynical tone.

“Moving forward is all I have left,” Roy replied simply. “Doctor Marcoh, once again I thank you for doing this. Since I know you’ll be shipping back to Ishval soon, to resume your duties as a doctor there, I trust you’ll pass on the rehabilitation itinerary for Havoc and myself to Doctor Knox so he can provide it to the military hospital here in Central when the time is right.”

“It’ll all be taken care of, don’t you worry,” Doctor Knox interjected for his comrade. “My best advice is to get Havoc signed into the military hospital again ASAP, I can draft up a false surgical file that sates he was taken to a private hospital and worked on not too long ago. All it takes from there is pulling some strings to re-file his paperwork as an enlisted man and it should be okay.”

“I’m sure Fuhrer Grumman would be willing to do me one more favour,” he assured. “This will take a couple of days though. Breda, are you okay to continue looking after Havoc in that time?”

“Makes no difference to me Colonel,” Breda chuckled. “Besides, Falman and Feury have been over for the past couple of nights, they’ll pitch in too if I ask.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” and he breathed a sigh of relief.

Not much more time was spent in Breda’s townhome before the two doctors decided to take their leave. After some friendly conversation, and a very stiff drink, Roy decided to do the same, and signaled to Riza to take him home. Before leaving he slipped on the shaded lenses, curious to see what would become of them. The brightness from outside was certainly toned down, but edges of things were still fuzzy, and it was hard to make out what anything was.

“I don’t know what to do from here, Hawkeye,” Roy silently admitted in the car. “It’s funny, this morning I was brimming with nervous excitement at the prospect of getting my sight back, but filled with disappointment at the prospect of losing you back to our duties so soon… It’s all turned out backwards; I’m disappointed the stone didn’t work the way I expected to, but excited for the fact that I have an excuse to continue to ask you to stay with me.”

“I think I can understand how you feel,” came her own soft confession.

TBC…

A/N: That took WAY TOO LONG. I won’t lie part of it was due to a bit of distraction on my part I got wrapped up in other story ideas, and started drafting them before I lost my train of thought… I’ve got like 4 fics on the go at once now, it’s crazy making. The other was due to trying to come up with realistic descriptions for Havoc and Mustang’s physical beings once the Philosopher’s stone was used. I KNOW Havoc winds up going through a bit of rehab, which leads me to believe that the stone can only accomplish so much, thus Mustang wasn’t going to wind up with a free pass and just boom! Get his eyes back. I’m on the road to wrapping this up, and what a crazy wonderful ride its been.


End file.
